I wanted to write to thank you for, well, everything. I started reading your column in The Onion when I was 14—it was always the first thing I skipped to whenever a new issue came out. I'm 25 now, and have a thoroughly satisfying kinky life, which I attribute largely to your advice. And, as the cherry on the sundae, I've begun shooting for Kink.com, which has been my dream! Last week, I did a shoot with Princess Donna and I got to plug your name during the pre-shoot interview as the reason for how I found out about Kink.com.

So thank you for helping me grow into a sex-positive woman and have this awesomely fulfilling life. I'd totally buy you a drink or a cupcake (or both), should the opportunity ever arise!

Madeleine

You're welcome, Madeleine.

Interested folks can watch a free preview of Madeleine's Kink.com shoot here. (Because some people are idiots I'm going to go ahead and mention that all Kink.com sites are extremely NSFYW.) The debate about whether "Savage Love" was a good or bad influence on Madeleine kicks off in comments in three... two... one...