Submitted to I, Anonymous:

You are not a fucking LOLcat. Stop acting like one. In particular: please, please, stop it with the "om nom nom" crap. It was funny for a while, but now? It's not cute anymore. You don't sound like a cute little three-year-old. You sound like a 30-year-old trying to sound like a three-year-old. Not cute, not funny, just obnoxious. Save the baby voice and cutesie words for your significant other. I am not dating you and I don't want to hear this baby voice shit. You are an adult. That doesn't mean you have to act like an adult all the time, but when you are constantly doing this stupid baby talk crap with your adult friends, it has gone too far.

Let me break it down for you. Do you almost always refer to food as "noms?" You are doing it too much. Stop it.

Do you almost always express appreciation for food by saying "nom," "tasty noms," or "om nom nom?" You are doing it too much. Cut that shit out.

This isn't cute anymore. It stopped being funny and whimsical about six months ago. It's infantile and infantilizing. And you are not an infant. Reducing your once-vast vocabulary for words about food to two syllables - "om" and "nom" - makes you sound like an idiot. It has got to stop.