What to do when your town covers itself with stooooopid "art cows" that are, in fact, cow-shaped billboards?

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Tip the motherfuckers!

It really happens: A community art project that installed 37 fiberglass cows in and around Vermont's biggest city has been plagued by vandalism, leaving four men charged, one injured - the cow he tipped broke his foot - and sponsors beefing up security.

In all, six of the 600-pound sculptures have been targeted by vandals since being installed in May.

"These aren't quickie, random acts of stupidity," said Tom Torti, president of organizer Lake Champlain Regional Chamber of Commerce. "These acts of stupidity take time."

Au contraire, Mssr. Tortí! It is the cow which is stupid, not the tipper. The tipper is merely pushing these stupid cows to their logical extension—defaced and down.

Taking a cue from cities that have used ersatz pigs, moose and bison in similar street displays, Burlington businesses signed onto the $90,000 "Cows Come Home" project, in which sponsors agreed to pay $3,500 for each cow and then use a decorative theme to promote their businesses.

Stupid.

And what did we say to the pigs when they popped up like pimples on our sidewalks in Seattle?

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