Doesn't a vibrating bed sound like a relaxing good time?

It quickly carries you into the land of tingling relaxation and ease!
  • It quickly carries you into the land of tingling relaxation and ease!

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Especially a vibrating bed that promises Magic Fingers For Your Comfort that will Carry You Into the Land of Tingling Relaxation and Ease???

It's not. Despite it's 25-cent promises, you won't feel great. You'll feel like you're traveling down a gravel road on a high-speed bed bound for Hell. And when your journey's over and you're waiting for your ass to awaken, you'll realize that the only thing that could've made it more uncomfortable is if a stripper clown joined you for the ride.