Now Slog reader Braden has sent us a few favorites from Unalaska, Alaska. "I assume that because so little happens in Unalaska (most of it involves ice or inebriation)," he writes, "whoever writes their police blog gets bored and starts using flowery language to make it more interesting."
Assault, March 1 — Two processors engaged in a battle for control of a yellow bucket full of soapy water. One processor conceded the sudsy bucket after his supervisor bade him yield, but later confronted the victor in a dark alley and allegedly slapped him across the face. There were no witnesses to the misdeed.
Ambulance Request — EMS volunteers provided medical care to an intoxicated, belligerent man experiencing various body aches as a result of being struck by 2000 pounds of frozen fish product approximately 24 hours earlier.
Ambulance Request - EMS volunteers again provided assistance to an again intoxicated, belligerent man who had previously refused medical care for various body aches as a result of being struck by 2000 pounds of frozen fish product approximately 36 hours earlier.
And Braden's personal favorite:
Domestic Disturbance — Officers responded to Unisea’s Shemya building, where several men in various stages of inebriation had allegedly insulted, assaulted or otherwise disturbed one another and/or other, otherwise uninvolved, parties. Officers determined that no crime had yet occurred, and advised the participants they would likely lose their jobs if police were required to respond a second time.
Read more from Unalaska Advertiser—including an "absconder" from Idaho, a witness in a criminal investigation who was "accosted in the grocery store by a suspect’s mother," and a man caught "gazing vacantly towards several moored vessels before disappearing into a small copse"—here.