On your podcast a caller asked about grinding between lesbians. I came across this passage in Sex at Dawn (great book, thanks for the recommendation): "...genital-genital (G-G) rubbing between female bonobos appears to affirm female bonding, is present in all bonobo populations studied (wild and captive), and is completely absent in chimpanzees. Human data on G-G rubbing are presently unavailable." (pg 78)

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For my part (I'm a dyke), I like it but it's too much effort to actually get off. Unless you both have big clits, it's hard to get into and sustain enough contact.

Now that I've buttered you up with a quote from your new favorite book, maybe you'll give me some advice. My girlfriend and I are opening up our relationship some. Right now our deal is when one of us is out of town, we are allowed to kiss other people. The problem is that I'm usually the one who travels and I can't really make it happen. My style is more to flirt with people I know, or people my friends know. It's pretty tough to go to a random dyke bar alone and end with anything exciting. Any suggestions?

Devoted Dyke

Sent from the Savage Love App for iPhone

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Thanks for the note, DD, and a quick word of advice—despite the fact that I'm technically on vacation here and I'm in a sustained impaired state—about the rules you and the girlfriend hammered out. When partners agree to "open up [their] relationship some," but establish rules that make acting on that new openness highly unlikely, It's sometimes the case that at least one partner isn't all that interested in being in an open relationship. So unrealistic "rules" are imposed/hammered out.

So have a talk with the girlfriend: if she's serious about having an open relationship, then the rules will have to be renegotiated so that they allow for a little, you know, actual openness. If she's not interested in an open relationship, and that's why the rules are designed the way they are, then you have more important things to talk about.