The hits just keep on coming. I didn't think a police blotter could get more poetic than yesterday's items from Unalaka, Alaska, sent by Slog tipper Braden.
But Slog reader Schuyler may have him beat:
The Unalaska, AK police blotter is pretty hilarious, but by far the best blotter (both in police and acid form) in the country comes from my hometown of Arcata, California. A magical place where one in four rental properties are wholly devoted to growing marijuana, no joke.I will warn you now, this link will kill your productivity for the rest of the day.
Arcata, where they write their blotter in limericks!
11:52 a.m.A car parked ’twixt striping of blue
Had nothing whatever to do
With handicapped access
Cops thought what it lacks is
A ticket, and also a clue.5:30 p.m.
Maria Court, known for pot grows
And now a new crimewave arose
When some lady groused
That from her side house
A thief stole her gardening hose.10:10 p.m.
A quiet Sunny Brae cul-de-sac
Was rockingly, rollingly racked
By some sort of band
Who blasted the land
Till cops put an end to their prac.
A few others:
Saturday, June 26 1:26 a.m. Featured entertainment at a shindig at Alliance Road and Stromberg Avenue involved the wholesome, All-American activity of ripping pallets apart to the robotic thudding that constitutes popular music these days. An officer becalmed the zone, but didn’t stick around to reassemble the pallets.
10:05 a.m. A Buttermilk Lane resident heard a crash, which damaged something unspecified in or around his yard. When he looked out the window, he saw a mid-’90s white Nissan pickup with a camper on the back zoom away, presumably to scale the heights of personal responsibility, starting at the bottom.
And Schuyler's favorite:
2:02 p.m. A morass of scrounge lizards numbering more than two dozen, some smoking dope and at least one wearing a baseball cap, hegemonized the sidewalk in front of a Plaza bar, resisting entreaties to clear the area. Cops came and liberated the landscape.
The site of "ripping pallets apart to the robotic thudding that constitutes popular music these days," now becalmed:
