I saw a screener of a movie that shall remain nameless two days ago—let's just say that the title rhymes with "the extendables"—and one minor detail kept pulling me out of the experience. I've seen this virus infecting American action cinema for quite some time now, and it's finally time to say something:

Dear Hollywood: Stop doing computer-animated blood effects. I realize we have finally reached a time when it's cheaper to pay someone to doodle in explosions of blood on action sequences than to pay someone to clean up a gooey mess after a shoot, but the problem is that computer-animated blood isn't satisfying like real fake blood. It doesn't react the way a real liquid does. It's not satisfying in the way that actors covered in red corn syrup can be satisfying. Everything feels too clean. Maybe one day, science will perfect computer-animated gore, but that day is not here yet. It looks cheesy and you should stop.

As a show of goodwill, I am linking to JoBlo's post explaining how to make real fake blood. Keep this recipe close to your heart. Use it often. We want blood, and you're not giving it to us.

This has been An Andy Rooney Moment™.

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