I'm so fucking tired of seeing unicorns everywhere. They've been trendy for awhile now—there are "hip" toys and t-shirts and internet games. But they're not even that cool!

I understand they fit in nicely with the strange obsession with reliving childhood (along with playing D&D and kickball and stuff), but they're just horses. With horns on their heads. And they're not even real.

Giraffes, on the other hand, really are MAGICAL. Not only do giraffes have two horns, but they actually exist. You can see them. In real life. They're cuter, too. They have the best eyes of any animal in the animal kingdom, and they have blue tongues. Unicorns don't even have tongues. Because they don't exist.

Unicorns are done. They're over. It's time the giraffe gets some play. Who's with me?

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