I'm in love with a married woman. I think she's into me, and she's generally unhappy in her marriage. But, like I said, I'm in love with her. I dont want to mess up her life, and I definately don't want to be the girl on the side. I want to be HER girl and I want her to be mine. I haven't told her how much I care about her yet, because I dont want to ruin the friendship we have. (I'd rather have her as a friend then not have her at all).

Should I tell her? Should I not? Or should I castrate myself from my feelings for her, denying myself that happiness that comes from loving her?

Smitten Totally And Sad In Seattle

My response after the jump...


This SLLOTD comes to you from the back of a moving car—so forgive me in advance for my carsickness-induced haste.

I'm generally opposed to self-castration (see a professional), STASIS, and I'm generally pro the telling of truths and the taking risks—up to and including gambling with/on a friendship that you wish were something more. I mean, why not risk everything by telling this woman how you really feel? You're not interested in being her castrated lesbian friend, STASIS, you want to be her one-and-only-non-castrated-lesbian lover. By keeping this friendship going you're 1. kinda, sorta deceiving this woman (she thinks of you as a friend, may assume that you feel the same way) and 2. extending your pain and suffering.

So tell her. Risk it all.

If she rejects you—if she's happier in her marriage than she lead you to believe (or happier than your own wishful thinking lead you to believe)—thank her for her time, wish her luck, and then stay the fuck away from her.

And if you need something to keep your mind off of her, STASIS, you can pass the time memorizing the lyrics to this song: