I have been with the same woman for seven years. She is beautiful and sexy. Our chemistry is phenomenal. However, our communication sucks. I have a desire to run my own business. She wants to just get a long. Long story short we have struggled to co-exist for the past few years and mainly because of the kids (a son we share and a son of hers from a previous relationship).
I recently discovered that she has been cheating on me. Not just anyone: with her second cousin whom she had recently met. After my initial anger and jealousy (not my usual thing), I came to the conclusion that I was NEVER going to be exactly what she wants or needs. And she'll never been all I want or need. I made her tell me all of the details of there affair. I wanted to know the juicy stuff. It turned me on. Now we have had more and even better sex than ever. I like her to tell me what she did to him, etc. Now here is what I would like you opinion on...
Would it be OK to have a threesome with this person? Given their history and family ties? I mean they are second cousins. I do have some bi tendencies that I would like to explore. And she is comfortable with him and he is comfortable with me. And we have decided to have an open relationship just to see if it works for us. I have forgiven her for the lying and cheating. That's really what got me. I let her know that she could continue with this person if she includes me or lets me know what is going on. Am i just sick or what?
My response after the jump...
Twenty-six US states allow first cousins to marry; every nation in Europe allows first cousins to marry, and Leviticus—my first reference on all matters relating to sexual morality—"lists all forbidden sexual relationships," IIC, and "cousin relationships are not included," and "no two people are more distantly related than 50th cousins." (More fun facts at CousinCouples.com.)
So... considering that God didn't forbid us from banging our cousins—unless they're shrimp—and considering that it's legal to marry your cousin in a majority of US states and all of Europe, I'd say having a threeway with your partner's cousin is fair game.
And I don't think you're sick and you knew I wouldn't think you were sick, ICC, which is why you wrote to me and not to Prudie or Abby or Amy or any of my other reflexively anti-threeway colleagues. (As I recently told another reader: I generally think people should err on the side of the three-way.) If you're sincerely having a hard time figuring out how you got here, well, I can offer this recap: you still love this woman, despite the cheating, and you found it in your heart to forgive her... a process that was made easier when you discovered—quite by accident—that it made your dick hard to hear about your partner having sex with someone else.
Basically you found a way—or your erotic imagination found a way—to turn the bitter lemons of her betrayal into a delicious pitcher of kick-ass bonerade.
Finally, IIC, you and your partner need to work on un-sucking your communication. Open relationships require honest and ongoing communication: you're going to need to do lots of checking in, negotiate rules about what you can do with who and when, and the dialogue about feelings, jealously, primacy, etc., never stops. But, hey, once one of you has said, "I'm cheating on you with a relative of mine," and the other has said, "That makes my dick hard—can we have a threeway?", there really shouldn't be anything you can't say to each other.