Joe Fitzgibbon, the dashing candidate to represent the 34th District, has finally come out of hiding and is enjoying his party since discovering he is only fractions of a percent from the lead stop. People have cast away their sodas for beer and wine. Fitzgibbon's father tells the SECB, "My catholic sister was appalled by your coverage of this election."

Ivan Weiss, former Democratic party chair of the 34th District, took the opportunity to slam challenger Mike Heavey, saying, "Heavey has no field. We have all the field. Heavey has nothing." Weiss then then predicted a thorough "ass whooping."

The SECB then challenged Fitzgibbon to arm wrestle, and he won, no contest. Swoon.