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For all of its eye-pinging bells and ticket-inflating whistles, modern 3D has yet to have its Jolson Sings! moment — a display which sizes up the possibilities of said technological breakthrough, boldly hurdles the gap, and forcibly shifts the paradigm. Midway through Piranha 3D, there’s a scene where two pneumatic bikini models nudely cavort underwater for at least a solid minute, to the strains of classical music. Welcome to the future, fellow travelers.

Following Joe Bob Briggs’ credo about having absolutely no plot to get in the way of the story, director Alexandre Aja wastes no time in getting to the gooshy stuff. After a borderline cine-sacrilegious cameo, an underwater earthquake frees thousands of Lil’ toothy prehistoric bastards, bent on crashing Spring Break. Throw in a handful of seasoned actors (including Elizabeth Shue and Ving Rhames) playing it mostly straight, a bajillion gallons of blood, and a gaggle of tanned, fit, and readily disposable extras, and you’ve got the blissfully empty-headed savior of the summer.

Director Aja first made his name with movies like High Tension and The Hills Have Eyes remake — technically accomplished, expertly paced movies that often went out of their way to be actively unpleasant. Here, though, he lightens up, doubles down on the ridiculous excess, and delivers an exploitation movie that may actually surpass its 80’s Velveeta inspirations — a film so absurdly gratuitous that it somehow becomes weirdly pure. It knows precisely what it is.