"I'm sure you will get plenty of letters regarding the ridiculous response that the writers of the column Annie's Mailbox gave to a reader in today's newspaper," writes A New Reader in the Midwest. "I would love to hear your thoughts regarding the original letter and the advice Marcy Sugar and Kathy Mitchell gave to the writer."

Dear Annie: My husband and I are a happily married couple of less than 10 years, both in our late 40s and in good health. We have a wonderful marriage in every way, except I would like him to want to have sex with me. Don't misunderstand. We have a regular and fairly satisfying sexual relationship, but it doesn't include normal intercourse, only "alternative" forms of sex. It makes me feel undesirable. I'm not sure what I am doing wrong. We never argue, I don't nag, I'm attractive and keep fit, and I love doing things with him and for him. Yet he doesn't want to be intimate the way I'd like. It makes me believe he isn't attracted to me, and I am missing a big part of being his wife. What do you think? — Love Him, But Want and Need More

Dear Love Him: This may be a satisfying sex life for your husband, but obviously not for you. There could be a physical reason why your husband enjoys sex more in alternative forms, and of course, there is also the possibility that he is gay. Have you discussed this with him? Has he provided a reason that makes sense to you, or does he seem to be making excuses? Is he willing to please you by occasionally having intercourse the way you prefer? We think he needs to see his doctor, you both need to see a sex therapist, or it's time for marriage counseling.

Let's start with our points of agreement: If Love Him's husband isn't meeting her needs—if he's not coming through with the mainstream forms of intercourse that his GGG wife prefers—he's being a selfish douchebag. She should call him on it and make all future alternative sexcapades contingent on regular mainstream action.

Moving on: "...there is also the possibility that he is gay." Where the hell did that come from? Gay isn't a melange alternative sex acts; a man doesn't reach some sort of kink tipping point and then fall face first into another man's lap. Gay men have an emotional and sexual orientation to members of their own sex. Some women are married to closeted gay men (hey there, Gayle), but closeted gay husband are likelier to neglect their duped wives than they are to bone them regularly if alternatively.

Marcy and Kathy don't let us know exactly what kind of alternative sex we're talking about here—they write for family newspapers—but I'm thinking it's gotta be anal. The ladies were Ann Lander's assistants for years and, again, they write for family newspapers. So perhaps they can't tell us exactly what's going on/in. But their rush to suggest that Love Him's husband might be gay leads me to believe that Love Him's original letter mentioned that the husband was drilling her ass to the exclusion of all other holes and Marcy and Kathy had to edit that little detail out.

Even so: buttsex ≠ gay sex. A straight man who's obsessed with buttsex ≠ a closeted gay man. Lots of straight men are into buttsex—ladybuttsex—and there's nothing gay about a straight man sticking his dick in some lady butt. To suggest that all straight men who are into anal are closeted gay men isn't just an insult to all the healthy, buttsex-lovin' straight boys out there. It's an insult to all the out gay men out there. It's reduces us—openly gay men—to butt-obssessed horndogs. Boy butt, girl butt, red butt, blue butt. Doesn't matter, just give us butt.

Uh... not the case, ladies.

And finally, and most problematically, there's the casual pathologizing of a man with "alternative" sexual interests. A man who's kinky or into buttsex, ladies, isn't physically or mentally ill. He doesn't need to see his doctor. And this couple only needs to see a sex therapist or a counselor if the husband isn't coming through with the mainstream sex—or if the sex they are having is making his wife miserable—and he refuses to talk about it, make changes, and be the GGG husband his GGG wife deserves. She needs to assert herself, he needs to compromise. The end.