Today in Anonymous Inventories of Sins

Comments

1
I love it! If he's lucky he'll get to annoy everyone with amends someday.
2
I know him. He's a priest!
3
All I ever get offered is pizza and beer, whenever I have to help a friend move.
4
So who tolerates a "friend" like this?
5
@1 I think the subject is a girl.

Prodigy is calling...they want their music video back.
6
can i get her number?
7
Hey, that's a lie! I've NEVER forgotten the entry code to my building!
8
I also assumed female - what's with this shit using "their" and "them" in a lame attempt to be gender neutral? Spit it out - roughly 50% are one or the other.
9
That's kind of confusing writing. Is it about one person (sounds like a guy) or a bunch (they and their are used too)?

Asshole(s).
10
Okay, so I think I know what "f******" stands for, but "b******"? Buttock? Backhoe? Banshee? Barmaid?
11
I get the feeling Anonymous is describing her own year, as a way to expiate the shame for all that she's put herself through.

Though a friend might worry so much over all those fuckups, it seems far more likely that Anonymous has been dwelling on how fucked up her life has been recently and needed to just put it all out there behind the veil of anonymity. I suspect that only someone who's been through all that would angst over a list this extensive and particular. Others would just focus on the most heinous incidents.

My sympathy to Anonymous or whoever you're describing, you put my fucked up year in perspective. I've been bad, but not this bad. Thanks.
12
Singular they is well-attested as a gender-neutral pronoun since the 1500s, making it, in my opinion, considerably better than your zhes and zirs.

Also, while many of these are indeed egregious, surely offering some lines for movers is a courtesy rather than a sin.
13
Sounds pretty sad. This person looks like they're on a trajectory towards death - either causing it or experiencing it themselves.

I hope the friend who wrote this is going to confront the individual. Not that it will make a difference or be met with sincerity, but at least they tried?
14
@12 Nope. "Singular They" is for indeterminant contexts and it's not universally accepted.

This is a person most decidedly determined. Just use "he" or "she and be done with it.

Sounds like a major jerk any way, and agree with @11.
15
You're all wrong. Got to be a "he." Girls just don't pee on the bark the way boys do (just sayin') and if it was a she and she was peeing outside Anon would make a bigger deal of it.
16
Sounds like every last person I knew in my 20's. Including myself.
17
@15: if it was a guy pissing outside and he fell over, why would he have to pull slivers out of his buttocks?
18
Man, this letter makes me so thankful my best friend finally went to AA. None of the shit listed here is new.
19
Hmmm, 15, you got me there.....
20
Rewind---I meant 17 of course
(sheesh!)
21
@10: try "bastard" :)
22
Sounds like a day in the life of Lindy...
23
i have to question what kind of friends would read this and laugh. this isn't anybody i know, but i started to feel a little queasy about half-way down the list. it sounds like this person has some serious mental health issues.
24
Ummmmm, no 22. Not even close.
25
"Woke up and had to pull slivers out of their buttocks and genitals because they urinated outside in the bark then fell in it."

When I was 6 I was squatting down in my grandpa's backyard looking at flowers at potato bugs- one of my old favourite activities to pass the time. My 11 yr old brother, who had been helping my grandpa lay mulch in the flowerbed, took his mini wheelbarrow and dumped it full of wood chippy mulch on me, which went down the seat of my pants.
My ass still bears the scars.
26
I saw "Even on our worst day, we could not imagine committing even one of these offenses" and I'm thinking what offense. . . murder or stealing perhaps?
Then it goes on to say. . .fell off a bar stool!?!?!
Shoot. I never imagined I'd commit such an offense.. . but it did just sorta happen to me one time.
27
Thank you, 22.
28
Sounded like just a fun person until the "coke user" part, went downhill from there. But the writer comes of as an obnoxious bitch for the first few... "Even on our worst day, we could not imagine...""frequently cannot remember the entry code to their building." Oh man, what a WRECK!
29
I am having a party soon. Send this person over.
30
To this person's employer: I am more than willing to take over this person's duties and paycheck. I do not do cocaine, and I have never been that drunk! Also, I'm a pretty cordial dude. If I have a problem with you, I promise not to tell you!
31
*sigh* oh, Grant...