This post at Sullivan—the second letter—reminded me of a recent text exchange with a friend...
Hey, I'm with my buddy John, recovered Mormon. His sister, age 31, called in a panic about her discovery of her husband's employment of porn. Of course the issue is that she's repressed so her husband doesn't get any. Any links to columns you've written about the issue? A way he might gently introduce the idea of being GGG? Maybe for your new book you should write: "Married? Partnered? You Need Sex!"
The impression you get—if you just read my mail—is that men need sex, women don't. And every day, after reading the "Savage Love" mail, I say to myself... I'M SO GLAD I'M GAY.
Women need sex i they want a male partner, is the point. As you know. People don't get it: a couple of handjobs and/or blow jobs PER MONTH could make the difference between marriage and divorce. So many married women are horrified at the idea of having to get their men off every week, or even every month. fact is, the vast majority of men want it daily! Write that book and you could win the Nobel Peace Prize.
If you don't wanna milk the cow, don't buy the dairy. Don't wanna pull the taffy, don't by the candy store. Don't wanna make the donuts, don't buy the Dunkin franchise. Don't wanna eat the meat, don't order the steak.
Okay, but John wants to show his well-meaning sister a link. Is there one?
I think I used the don't-wanna-milk-the-cow thing in a column once. Google it? And you can tell John's sister from me that all men look at porn. Men whose wives object should have the decency to lie about it. And their wives should have the decency to pretend to believe the lies they're told—at least about porn.
Jason says that's exactly what he told his sister.
He can tell her this too: Monogamy historically wasn't expected of/imposed on husbands. Husbands had whores and mistresses and concubines. That wasn't fair, though, wasn't egalitarian, and things needed to be fair and egalitarian. So we somehow decided that men had to be monogamous too.
That was a mistake.
We should have given women permission to be nonmonogamous too, given women the same deal men had enjoyed for thousands of years. Same freedom, same latitude, same expectation of discretion. Instead men were asked to live like women—lifelong monogamy for everybody!—in part because men didn't want women to enjoy the same freedoms they had.
And how's that working out for you straight guys?