SL Letters of the Day: My Tits Are Perfect—What's Wrong With My Game?

Comments

1
If the men-to-women ratio is as high as he says it is, and if he's pretty much alright, then it's probably his height. Girls just don't go for the short guys if tall guys are available.
2
Dude needs to move. Seriously.
3
My first guess: trying too hard. Maybe the women there are used to having guys throw themselves at them so the eager puppy stuff (Can I cook for you?) doesn't come off well. But if that indeed is the writer's torso, he knows it's good. I think he just threw that in so Dan would take notice and answer his letter.
4
Relocation might be an option.

However, maybe it depends on the kind of girls he's chasing. Are they the drop-dead gorgeous types or is he interested in less-than-stellar beauty but a real human being? I also know a lot of short guys who ONLY go after tall women and overlook the more petite women? We don't know what type of women he is pursuing.

Sure, great body, it's a pleasure to look at the pic. But I'd rather have a plain guy who's genuinely interested in me as a person than one who picked me out because he liked my body.
5
Waxy girl can POSE!
6
I need to move to Alaska
7
One of the problems with Alaska is that it is too cold to spend much time with your shirt off! I'm a strait dude and I gotta say he's put to gether well enough that being short shouldn't be too much of a problem-as long as he can spend ample time with his shirt off!

Also, I suspect the theory that he's "the wrong kind of strait" for where he lives. Maybe I'm indulging in stereotypes, but I have a hard time thinking Alaskan women give a fuck if a man can cook or is nice. Maybe he should beat the shit out of a lumberjack who is a foot taller than him and about 100 lbs heavier. I bet Alaskan women love a man who can defend himself against rabid lumberjacks.
8
You're just in the wrong place kiddo. Cause if you were in DC, I would totally hit that.
9
Confidence is key, as well. With a string of failures, when he meets someone he likes, he may come on too strong, and/or desperate. It seems counterintuitive, but playing it cool, being somewhat aloof, remembering that these ladies you desire have to impress you as much as the other way around - this mindset helps.

People can tell if you're already really into them, and it can be a turn off if they're still making up their mind. Usually, the way to approach any social encounter is to view it as an audition for the next one, as opposed to, "yeah I'd love to be her BF". One date at a time usually leads to many dates, but if you decide in the middle of date one that you want to be her BF, date two won't happen. If you just view each date as a set up for literally just the next date, you might get somewhere.
10
Also, I have a hunch that part of the problem may be that the women he meets up there may be intellectually uninteresting enough that he can't fake enjoying their company long enough to get any booty! Further proof that not all of us think with our dicks first.
11
I dunno, he's pretty hot. I'd say it's pretty likely there's something he's doing wrong. Maybe on dates instead of asking about the woman he spends all his time blathering about sports/work/what a great cook he is. I certainly never turned a guy away 'cause he was short, but maybe I have a bit of a short guy fetish.
12
Any guy who thinks he needs to send a picture of himself without a shirt to prove he's attractive and not a dick, is overcompensating.
13
Hey SUCKING, why is the lower portion of your body Photoshopped out? If you're a centaur, get the hell out of Alaska before some hunter shoots you!
14
The odds are good, but the goods are odd. Dude, for one thing, you're only there for another year. Maybe they don't want to leave (I don't know but have heard, any woman in Alaska REALLY wants to be in Alaska--see first line). I'd suggest getting a guy jack/fuck buddy for the next twelve months, keep sculpting that bod (it may be the angle, but don't ignore the triceps), and look forward to more possibilities in your new home at the end of 2011.
15
My suggestion: stop trying to pick up women at bars. If you are looking for a woman who is active and appreciates a man who can cook for her, don't try to find them at a bar in small town Alaska. Bars aren't' the only place to meet people.
16
You know, if he's military that could be a big part of the problem. For one thing, he probably doesn't stand out in the sea of other hottish guys with short hair, especially if he isn't a larger-than-life personality. And a lot of women are averse to dating military guys for all sorts of reasons.
17
Dude, he should come on down to California when he's done up there. I know plenty of girls who would love his hot body. (and cooking skills...)
18
Armchair advice giver here says that she suspects it's something to do with his personality... He's obviously attractive if he's getting 1st dates. I'm wondering if maybe he comes across as shallow. He barely describes his personality in his letters, but he focuses quite a bit on his apperance... I wonder if that translates into who he hits on/asks out/relates to. Is he paying attention to what he's saying, what SHE's saying, and not just how he's/she's looking?

Side note: I've had way too many guy friends (straight female) who whine at me that they never get female attention, when the fact is they ARE getting female attention, it's just not from the top-shelf hotties.
19
@18, that's a good point, he may just be overreaching. Sometimes pushups and waxing will give a fellow funny ideas.
20
haha yes good luck trying to find a mate in Fairbanks.
21
Maybe the women are turned off by the fact that he pays too much attention to his reputation and what people think of him.

Also, short guys are just as adorable as tall ones.
22
@19 He should certainly make himself attractive, and look for someone HE finds attractive, but IF he's similar to my guy friends (and it's an instinct call on my part) he's focusing exclusively on the looks, and ignoring anyone who doesn't pass a very very high physical looks threshold. That may be turning off hot women as well... I think most of em want to be considered for more than just their good looks.
23
Good he can cook and is eager to do so, but I dunno ... maybe he frames it too much as "I know this is what you like because you're a WOMAN and I'm showing off how much I can do shit for you, no pressure or anything." Again, really awesome he cooks but selling it as some kind of marriageable trait rather than something he just enjoy doing and sharing with others is a turn-off, for me at least. His attitude probably wouldn't matter as much in a better market, but it sounds fairly cutthroat according to the way he puts it.

And I also question what kind of women he's looking at. "Dead mime"? And he dated her for longer than ... um ... once?

Or hey, maybe they think he's gay. Dancer, cooks. It's Alaska, who knows. And a lot of women hold weird ideas of what constitutes manliness, even if they pretend otherwise.

Seems like the easiest fix is actually to move. You're there for another year? Duh. Suck it up.
24
I kind of suspect that his inability to discuss this with his friends and his fears about his reputation indicates a sort of emotional distance and possibly a lack of introspection. My ex is similarly reluctant to discuss his self-doubts and problems with his friends, and I've been watching him bumble through life for years (we move in the same social circles). He never learns anything from any of his experiences, and it's kind of sad. I'm not saying that's definitely what's wrong with this guy, but the lack of emotional intimacy in his life could be part of the problem.
25
Dude you are too into yourself. I'm not saying that's bad, just reality. Girls want you to be into them. If you want someone to appreciate you for your dancing, your cooking and your body, find a guy.

Here's advice from a guy who has dated both: when going on a first date with a girl, 90% of it should be you asking questions and her telling you how fascinating she is. She can discover your hidden talents later on.
26
To attract any sort of normal woman, maybe he needs to quit spending all his time going on about his culinary skills and waxed body and cultivate a calm, easygoing personality. And develop a sheepish Han Solo crooked grin.
27
Maybe I should move to Alaska where the guys outnumber the girls.
28
@26: I can confirm that the sheepish grin KILLS with the ladies.
29
He's SHORT.

Try only hitting on petite girls, shorter than you and you'll probably have better luck. It ain't fair, but chicks don't put up with the short in the same way that dudes don't put up with the girl with the "really good personality."
30
I agree with 23--that's typically my impression from most of the guys who are like, "I'm nice and I cook and I remember anniversaries and buy flowers--why am I single?!" There's no magic equation where a certain number of desirable traits adds up to a person worth dating. He should stop thinking of himself as an aggregate of desirable traits, and start thinking of himself as a person. Girls like dating people, not equations.

Unless he's into math geeks. Then he might have a high probability, but he'll have to show his work.
31
Maybe he looks like Don Knotts.
32
he's in AK voluntarily, so he's an odd duck at best, and a weirdo possibly. somewhere where the odds are better, he might fare ok, but up there, the ladies have their pick.
33
Hmmm. With that body, he should be able to get laid, even if he is short. So unless he has a gangly face or putrid B.O., I think we can eliminate his appearance as a problem.

I didn't pick up any odd behavior in the letter(s), but my guess is that it has to be something to do with personality.
34
I am a firm believer in the prompt and courteous delivery of props upon the assessment that props are due.

Those ARE some nice tits.
35
The angle of the photo is hilarious. It makes him look 14 feet tall. I have a feeling he has a case of "short-guy-itis."

Problems:

- short
- over-compensating
- stuck in Alaska

Solutions:

- get a) lifts and b) wear shoes with heels -- you will add a couple of inches to your height no problem. See Simon Cowell, Tom Cruise, etc.
- this will improve you self-esteem. Also, smoke weed, get a job / outside interests, play more sports, etc.
- go on vacations to more-populated areas, and eventually leave Alaska.
- lower your standards

Wild cards:
- you may have a hideous face
- Aspergers Syndrome?
36
Need to quit being a nice guy. Say hey, make a joke about them, and grin. There are tons of guys teaching this on the net. Some are good. Some are not. Check out David D'Angelo and others. Back when I was a drunken asshole, I got tons of girls. When I sobered up and started caring about women, it dried up. Confused the hell out of me. Now I am back to not giving a shit. Works better. I did recently start seeing an old gf from the drunken days. I suddenly was nice to her. Screwed it up. Was open, truthful and loving. Did not work. And lots of girls will now chime in that they like nice guys. They do, they are just not attracted to them. You want girls attracted to you. That is confidence, active disinterest, and teasing the hell out of them.
37
Seconding the "but what kind of girls are you hitting on?" and the "but what is your actual PERSONALITY like?" questions.

Otherwise, yeah, you might want to get out of the middle of effin nowhere. My brother lives out in the middle of nowhere too, and complains a lot about not finding a girlfriend. Unfortunately, dating is a numbers game, and everyone is going to have times in our lives when we just have bad luck meeting another human being we want to spend time with. You can improve your odds by living in a place where you are surrounded by other human beings 24/7.

And talk to your friends. That's what they're there for, dude with the nice chest.
38
Anybody want to cue me in to what he means by 'FML... for now'? Is he really saying 'Fuck my life... for now' to mean that it sucks to be him at the present, but things will improve in the future? Or does it stand for something else that I'm unable to divine with all the resources of the Internets?
39
Move on down to Seattle and warm yourself under mommas shawl.
40
I really hate the "he's short" thing that women have. Good thing I'm gay (and short). But, seriously, time after time women (including my sister!) tell me I'm lucky I'm gay because I'd have no luck with the ladiez if I were straight (and I'm 5'7'' which is hardly midget-sized.)

I suppose it has to do with evolution "I want a big burly man to protect me from the tigers" but it always amazes me. I can count on maybe 2 fingers the number of times being short has gotten in the way of me scoring a date or getting laid; I see all sorts of gay couples where one is tall and the other short, plenty of taller guys love short guys. It's such a mystery to me . . .

41
Dating site research says he needs to do one of the following:

A. Grow 4 inches taller.

B. Earn $100,000 more.

or C. Move someplace where there are more women and the guys there are shorter.

If I were him I'd choose option C.
42
as an anecdote, most of the tall models I've known (about 40 or so) always said that only two types of guys hit on them - short guys and jerks. He could go after women who are tall or too beautiful, cause most of them are actually really lonely. Just don't EVER stare at their breasts.

No, ever.

I said stop.

(no wonder he can't get a date)
43
@36
Maybe this is a stupid distinction, but from everything I understand of "The Player's Game," they specifically pick out chicks to hit on that have low self-esteem, committment problems, etc. etc. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the Game seems intended ONLY to get you laid... if you try pulling a relationship out of it, the relationship will fail cause nobody wants to date someone with self-esteem/committment/etc. problems.

And yeah, I'm gonna chime in and say I LOVE nice guys. Problem is, I can't spot who is a jerk and who is a nice guy right off the bat... Takes me a while to figure it out. I just recently broke up with a guy who everybody else described as the nicest guy in the world, who had this very strange tendency to mention frequently and off-handedly how hot/fantastic/awesome his ex/female friends/old crushes were. Maybe I'm the stupid version of Woman, but instead of making me go weak at the knees, I kicked him to the curb.
44
Maybe it's the fact that he doesn't know the difference between drought and draught.
45
the troll usually doesn't lower ourselves to meddling in Dan's "advice" to his pervert fanbase but we can't bear watching you girls stumble all around the answer.

Stumpy is obviously gay.

No self respecting het would take, or send, that picture; to Dan Savage.
Maybe Peanut doesn't realize it but obviously the non-dead chicks do.
He needs to find a reputable Godfearing Gay Reversal Therapist.

(PeeWee- be sure to get a money-back guarantee up front...)

46
@29 and @40: This goes both ways. As a tall girl, I usually assume a shorter guy wont be attracted to me. But I have dated a couple guys who are shorter than me, including my current homeboy; if he doesnt care, then I dont care. I think some women just get insecure about feeling "bigger" than their boyfriend. Maybe I've just accepted it because I'm so goddamn tall.
47
Oh yeah, shortness - I honestly think that if a guy owns it, women won't care. I and most of my tall friends have dated guys that were shorter than us before. My best friend is with another friend who's more than a head shorter than her, it doesn't matter at all!

Anyway, like Dan always says, if a girl rules you out because you're short then the two of you aren't compatible anyway. Better to be quit of her after the first date than have her admit, "You're just too short for me!" after 6 months.
48
He may be bald. Guys who say "I'm told I am cute" usually aren't. Come on dude. Yoiu know you have a rocking body. Tell us how your face is, honestly.

But I agree, the numerous first dates suggest attractiveness but some sort of social ineptness or other issue coming out when spending time with the girl. He may be a douche. Or he may have the other kiss of death, being "too nice".

Being short is a handicap. 5'9" or taller is okay, 5'7" - 5'8" makes your desirability go down quite a bit, and 5'6" or lower rules out all but a small subset of girls. (Now you know how it feels to be gay - so many desirable/desired partners, but only 2-4% are interested in dating you at all.)

My practical advice: 1. find coed group activities, preferably involving drinking, where guys and girls hang out together. That is how you meet women on a friendship level which is always a better place to move to dating from than stranger in a bar. If you're in the military, see if your base has a HASH club. 2. Watch dating shows on TV (patty stanger's millionaire matchmaker is a good one) see which guys come across as douchey - remembering that they don't realize they are being douches - and avoid that behavior. 3. Recognize that you are lower on the dating scale than someone who is less better built/looking but 6 feet tall and ask out a girl who is less than model or tv attractive. You want girls to look past your height, then you look past their average face or body.

In the alternative, you could become gay. With a body like that, you'll always have takers, even if you are a douche. :)
49
I spent some formative years at an engineering school, where the M:F ratio was roughly 4:1. Not as extreme a situation as being in AK (you could leave campus), of course, but probably a similar dynamic. My experience with women there was that many of them had some unreasonable standards w/r/t men, and since they "had their pick" were just really hard to please. Many guys, on the other hand (including myself) were almost certainly over-eager to desperate, which is of course a big turn-off to women. I think those dynamics kind of fed off each other, actually.

Of course, he can't do anything about the women, so he might as well work on himself. Things definitely turned around for me when I quit trying so hard. I also made a conscious decision not to "befriend" women for a while, but to just be a guy--a courteous, considerate, but not overly so guy--trying to get laid. In other words, be charming but not too generous with your attention. Make it clear you're happy to hook up with someone else.

It works. And I had/have nowhere near the body this guy does.
50
@40: Well, it IS evolution. Women, on *average*, are smaller than men. So most women can afford to have this annoying indulgence.

When you're a guy into other guys, there's a 90% chance one of you will just be taller than the other. It's just practical not to give a shit about it.
51
If you're looking to get laid, don't ask the bar girls on dates, ask them home.

If you're looking for a relationship, don't go looking in bars.
52
My guess is that he might be boring. Most of the nice guys I've known who complain about not getting dates are actually BORING guys. It's such a myth that girls don't like nice guys. What we (here I go generalizing) don't like are guys who just go along with whatever we say, don't have opinions or hobbies and interests beyond the gym, sit around watching sports all day, etc...

It's hard to feel a spark when you don't feel like you're having a genuine conversation with a person, and most girls I know who don't want second dates with cute guys say it's because they didn't feel like the guy was being himself, and that he was just telling them what he thought they wanted to hear.
53
@45: How easy is it for fat guys like yourself to hook up?
54
@ 14,

Do str8 guys really do that--jack-off with other guys? I always thought that was just my feverish, heart-pounding fantasy.
55
"Why can't I get pussy in Alaska?"

Boy, it's a fucking PUZZLER, isn't it?
56
"here for 1 more year" + "huge guy to girl ratio" + in really good shape

= Active Duty Military

He's going to be fighting that guy/girl ratio at every duty station; he'll just feel it a little less if he could get stationed in, say, Texas or San Diego.
57
It's Alaska, if you don't pack your own woman in, you may never get one. As a female who did seasonal work in AK, it's like shooting fish in a barrel. But it does get old, the flirting, the winks, the 'hey why don't ya pay attention to me'. With so man advancements it's hard to tell who's just jonesing for some pussy and who has deep interest in being your best friend.

In the town I worked in the saying went: You didn't lose your woman, you lost your turn.
58
You should try driving to Anchorage once in awhile. The girls here are slightly less likely to prefer the hillbilly, lumberjack, nasty ones that the girls in Wasilla like so very much.
59
@43. Actually no. If a hot girl is chased by guys all the time, you stand out if you don't chase them, and joke around with them putting them down a bit. You do it in a friendly way, where they know you are joking.

If a girl has low self-esteem, you can appear different by building them up. Tell a hot girl she looks a little bit heavy in a dress, it can be funny. Tell that to an average girl with low self-esteem and she just feels bad. Of course some women are so damaged that their low self-esteem only lets them date men they believe are going to treat them like shit. Who wants to date them, however?
60
If all he wants is to get some nooky, he should quit hitting on the ultrahot 20-somethings who treat him with disdain and go pay some attention to the reasonably attractive 40-something in the corner drinking her non-syrupy drink all alone.

And I never have rejected a guy for being too short, but then, I'm 5'2", so the guys I've dated who were shorter than me were still within an inch or two of my height. I don't run into a lot of guys under 5 feet.

I suspect his rejections are coming because he's either hitting on the same two women that everyone else in Podunk is swarming, or because his style of hitting on someone is pathetically bad, either using some sort of canned "lines" (seriously, don't ask about astrology or tell me to smile, okay?), or freakishly creepy and stalkeresque. Sit back and observe, youngster, and see what sort of approach the more-successful males use. Smile, say, "hey, hi. Loud in here, isn't it?" and then don't crowd. Smile every time you see her, but don't frigging STARE at her. Don't follow her around.

And if women seem friendly until you talk, and then they cringe away, try mouthwash or blow your nose.
61
I wonder how many of the posters saying that being short is a serious problem are men. Men always seem far more hung up on the height thing than women. I've never given a damn and generally prefer men under 5'9". I'm 5'3", for crying out loud! Lying under someone who is 220 makes me claustrophobic. And staring up at a man a foot taller than me hurts my neck.

I think most women probably prefer men that are taller than they are. But last I heard the average female height was 5’4”. That leaves a lot of petite women who are perfectly happy with men that are three inches taller than they are.
62
He answered his own question - the guys outnumber the women 4-to-1 where he lives. The odds are stacked against him badly. Duh. Add to that the fact that he's self-absorbed and vain, and no wonder he's having trouble getting with the ladies: "I cook, I dance, I'm cute, I have a great body, I, I, I, I, I! And oh yeah, I." My first advice would be: get over yourself. Other people are unlikley to like you until you're ready to like someone besides yourself.
63
@58 had a useful suggestion there.

@61 dating site research shows that women may say they don't care, but they don't choose to respond or initiate requests to men who are shorter, unless they themselves are over 5'10" But your attitude will do more good than harm if you don't worry about it.
64
@61: Nah, it's definitely there with a lot of women, and it doesn't stop with the petite ones.

A girl I know is about 5' or 5'1" and even she had the gall to say to my face that she thought my boyfriend -- who claims he's 5'10", but I think he's closer to 5'8" -- was "short."

I know that's only one example, but it does lead me to think that when height's a problem, it's not always a matter of relativity, but an absolute perception of what is tall and short for *everyone.* Some women don't date some men not because they're shortER, but plain ol' short ... sort of like how they don't care if they personally find a man hot, but whether *other people* think he's hot.
65
@ 29, as someone who's just a little vertically challenged myself (5'7" like the dude @ 40), I found that many shorter girls I was interested in (those at or just above five feet) preferred really tall guys (like six feet or more). Most of my girlfriends were (and my wife is) just about my height. Thankfully I had substance and learned to find the girls who had it, too (which Confluence has shown time and again that she lacks).
66
Maybe considering the body/dancing/cooking etc he is coming off like a used car salesman. A few hours of someone who never runs out of ways to tell you how unbelievably fantastic he is can numb a woman's brain to the point where she never wants to see him again. On his next date he should listen to himself and decide whether he would want a second date with himself. If the answer is no, then on the next date he should show interest in his date, ask her questions about herself, and (the big one) listen to her.
67
This guy reeks of desperation. Desperation sends people running for the hills.
68
He should change teams - cute body, nice personality - a nice boy like me would snap him off the meat market asap.
69
If he's going to Koots and still not getting laid, then yes, he needs to move. Really thats all there is to it, in Alaska. Wanna get laid, alaska guys? go to Koots.
70
His problem might be that he's the sort of guy who actually uses the expression 'FML.'
71
Man it must suck so hard to be a short male.
72
SUCKING, I'm guessing you're military based on your words, your location, the PT shorts, and the barracks in the background. Speaking as a military girl, SUCKING, and basing my answer on some very large leaps in logic form about eight years of military guys... you are being too needy. Seriously, guy. The number of guys in the military who are reeking of desperation to the point where a girl fears to date them (lest she crush their obviously delicate hearts/ get stuck in a relationship that's not working in order not to burn a guy) is astounding. My advice to you would be to declare to yourself that you will not date any girls for three months, then just talk to people without having the pressure of hooking up. When you're used to talking to them without trying to get in their pants/ giving them mental space in your medicine cabinet, you will probably get some girls.

But that's just one person's advice, and I could be unintentionally full of it.
73
Just how extreme is the percentage of women who will *really* only date tall guys? Supposedly only 4% of women would date a guy shorter than themselves, but I'm not convinced the situation's truly as dire as all that. When women get that question as a theoretical, they might not really think about it- something like 80% of US men are over 5'7" and something like 80% of US women are under 5'7" ( http://www.allcountries.org/uscensus/230… ). Not every women has been faced with a guy whose only serious flaw is his height.
74
Just pay for sex until you move somewhere else.

With the high male to female ratio, women in Alaska realize that for them the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
75
I wouldn't date a guy who talks like this guy writes, no matter what he looks like. So his first mistake is trying to date.

Go for the one-night stand, desperate dude, and get the fuck out before they sober up and figure out what a dork you are.
76
remember that guy george sodini and how he couldn't figure out what was wrong with him either? this was before he shot up the people at the gym and committed suicide. i'm not suggesting that is the case here, but sometimes people are just creepers and they don't seem to know it and no one can tell them.
77
There's a lot of research on what attracts women to men, and it's not especially complicated. In no particular order, women respond to following:
- height
- sense of humor
- wealth
- social status
- confidence
- body symmetry
- muscularity (but not too much)
- wide shoulders and narrow hips
- a genetic makeup complimentary to hers (which, believe it or not, women can smell)
- health

Given a 4:1 male to female ratio, if this guy is missing even a few of these qualities, his chances of finding a mate are slim.
78
Which brings us all back to the best choice, Move, @77.
79
His name spells out SUCKING, he lives on a military base, and he's writing in to Dan Savage.

He doesn't want advice; he wants to be persuaded.
80
Wow. He should definitely email me! :)
81
Your pic is attractive but something about your letter turned me off. No matter how good-looking a person is, and even if they can cook and dance, personality comes way before that for me, and for lot of people.

Your letter reminded me of a guy I knew who was really built like an adonis, and who had a high-paying job, all things that normally would give a lot of status in our culture for a male. But he was self-involved, and seemed insecure, as in - it seemed like he relied on those things to prop him up, often not wearing a shirt for the sole purpose of being ogled or casually name-dropping recent purposes that made it sound like he could afford nice stuff. These traits could've been amusing quirks if he really cared about other people, or was interesting to talk to, but he wasn't. He was always chasing after girls, and never getting with any that weren't desperate, where you could tell he felt like he was "settling".

A lot of this is guesswork because, like Dan said, we don't have access to how you come across in person, so my descriptions may not at all apply to you. Some tips:

Don't see women as a strange species that you're hunting down. See them as humans, like men, who you can be friends with, but who additionally you can be sexually attracted to. Whether one is a one night stand, a fuck buddy, an exclusive romantic/sexual partner with a deep connection, or a nonexclusive romantic/sexual partner with a deep connection, or whatever - It's always good to be treated like a human.

Make sure you never get bitter about the short thing. I would date a guy who was short, if he was interesting and funny and nice, no problem. While it is a trait that in our society is seen as unattractive in men, there are so many traits like that. If a girl got bitter because she had an incredibly flat chest, or a very masculine face, then any guy who would be attracted to her regardless will probably now be put off by her bitterness. It's the same with height in males, any bitterness there would be equally off-putting to potential mates.

You don't sound too bitter right now though, just frustrated, so that is a plus. Dan's advice is sound. Hang in there until you can move (really, that ratio must suck for any man who wants a compatible bed/relationship/whatever partner). Don't date any more girls you find bland, that's not really fair to either of you. Consume media that you find interesting, books and movies that push the boundaries of your intellect a little. And explore new music, hobbies, sports, whatever. It's always nice to see someone who is eager to learn, and people who learn passionately are usually more interesting to talk to [presuming they are interested in hearing the other person as well].

It sounds like you genuinely mean well, which really is the most important thing, all the rest you can learn from there! Odds are, you'll eventually find someone. But if you didn't, would you rather be single and constantly frustrated/bitter/etc, or single and patient and good-willed. Hint: The rest of the world hopes you pick option B. Good luck!
82
SUCKING said it himself. Image is everything. He probably comes off as a full-of-himself pretty-boy.
83
I seldom disagree with Dan, and this time it's just a quibble. If the guy doesn't want to bring TEN friends into the process of getting to know himself, maybe he could bring TWO into his confidence. A wise person once told me, "If ONE friends criticizes you, you can ignore it; maybe they're mad at you. If TWO friends say the same thing, then you are obliged to consider what they're saying." In this guy's case, I'd even make do with one. I think there's a chance he might have the chip on his shoulder that some short men get. Me, I loves the shawties!
84
@57 is pretty spot-on.

Generally, in AK your options for finding a true girlfriend are rather limited:
-Import (you'll notice most realize this is the way to go by their mid-30s)
-Wait your turn/wait-out currently successful relationships
-Hang at the airport and snag newcomers before anyone else can get to them
(there are exceptions to the above of course, but lightning doesn't strike all that often in a state of 700,000 mainly socially leotarded folks)

If you're just looking to get laid and kick that angelic monkey off your dick, lower your standards and troll the meat-market bars Fri/Sat from 12-2. If after a month you haven't spotted a girl practically begging to be taken home by anyone, you're doing something wrong.

Other than that, the standard advice for the woe-is-me'ers applies: be interesting/friendly/personable, show genuine interest in the other person, focus more on developing a good social network than getting to that second date, etc.
85
@36 Hmmm... I'm one of those girls chiming in that I like nice guys. I am also longterm banging a wicked sexy feminist who likes to talk about his feelings. What's more, I dumped someone who treated me poorly to be in a relationship with him. Stop generalizing, and start looking for girls who aren't interesting in being abused if you want to be a "nice guy" in a relationship. Also, don't confuse being bland with being nice. Jerks are challenging, which is why girls go for them. Nice guys that get ass are interesting and challenging without being nasty to people, generally they go about this by being passionate about things that aren't girls...

Shit, I'm feeding the trolls aren't I?
86
RAR!
87
Maybe he just THINKS he can dance and cook....

My bets are on something being wrong that Dan can't see in a picture or read in his emails. This guy needs to find someone who knows him to be honest with him (or do it via Dan).

I've dated guys who are short, but they've got to pass the personality test before I can find them even remotely attractive, even if they dance and cook and work out a lot.
88
Did anyone else pick up on the fact that he's probably stationed there in the military? He doesn't want to tell people about what he's up to, he's got a nice bod, and he said he's only got another year there... come on now..
89
I'm surprised at how uncomfortable I am by the fact that a guy's pecs are being described as tits.
90
@13 - I laughed so hard scotch came out my nose. Tears are still streaming - partly because I'm laughing so hard and partly because of the whisky burn in my nostrils.
91
I know some women won't date shorter men (in my experience, mostly the very tall women who feel insecure themselves about being "too big") but unless he is so short that he is shorter than almost all the women he meets, his actual height is not likely the problem so much as his own attitude about his height. I think that "short man's complex" is a much bigger turn off than actual shortness. The bad combination of low self esteem and a chip on the shoulder is not attractive. My boyfriend is a couple of inches shorter than I am (5'5" to my 5'7") and he has a sense of humor about his height, but not a complex, and he doesn't mind that I'm taller, even when we're out together and I'm wearing heels. He is comfortable in his own skin, and that is very attractive. The underlying tone of desperation in the writer's letter is on the other hand, not attractive.

And I know I'm already in the minority for liking shorter men, but I also have to say that the whole waxed chest thing *really* doesn't do it for me. It's weirdly shiny and fake looking and smacks of a high level of vanity. I for one am dubious of a guy who spends way more time primping than I do. Plus, chest stubble sucks in intimate situations, I ran into that once and it was one time too many! I also suspect that there may be some stereotypes up in the great white north that do have people thinking that this waxed, buffed, dancing, cooking guy may not be straight. I have certainly known more than one guy who identified as straight who had a hard time getting dates (with women) because he was effeminate and didn't even realize it....on the other hand there are women who like effeminate men too, so....I guess we're back to looking for a bigger pool of women so you can find the ones who like short men/shiny men/desperate men. Good luck!
92
He's a douchebag.
93
@89: I'm totally with you.

A man who spends time on the bench press has pecs. A chubby guy with a flabby chest has tits. There's an important difference between the two.
94
Yo, SUCKING, get through your last year. I know at least 10 girls in a small Arizona town that would date you in a heart beat, based on that pic (no, I'm not one of them, but I got friends).

Can't imagine what the issue is unless you're somehow coming off as really weird and/or dangerous. But then again, some women dig that too...
95
I do not know but I have definitely mixed feelings about this guy...
Narcissistic to say the least and fake too much fake he looks like a ken doll.Too much perfection acts as a turn off to me.
Be more yourself than the person(s) you try to emulate
96
Wish I had that kind of body... maybe then I wouldn't be so socially awkward... plus being bi in AR has it's drawbacks
97
If he were in DC, where the women outnumber the men, then he'd have a decent chance even if he's a little boring, or self-absorbed, or whatever. But with a 4-1 M-F ratio, and being short, any little personalty flaw is going to do him in. The women can afford to be very picky.

Being a short guy is like being a fat (or otherwise unattractive) woman. It's not a fatal flaw, but it makes it much harder to attract interest from the opposite sex. That combined with the sex ratio. . .

Move.
98
Am I the first to say it? Maybe he's a butterface.
99
@88 good point.
100
As an Alaskan woman, I can say that part of the problem is supply/demand. There is a 4/1 -10/1 male to female ratio. So in the lower 38, I'm average/maybe slightly above, up here I'm a goddess. When I was single, I basically could take my pick of the guys because I was being hit on all the time. I remember going to a bar in the lower 48 once and being suprised that, after 20 minutes, I hadn't been hit on. It was an "oh, yeah. There's a ton more chicks here. Huh" moment. He needs to work on his first impression, and should seriously look into a female wingman.