Off-Duty Washington State Patrol Trooper Fatally Shoots Home Intruder: And by "home intruder," I mean a man who allegedly sat in a car parked outside the trooper's home (who then attacked the off-duty trooper with a metal pipe, effectively begging to be shot, and so he was, but the "trooper shoots home intruder" oversimplification bugged me enough that I was required to retaliate with an overly simplistic summation of my own. Yes, yes, two wrongs don't make a right, but it's a good start, etc, carry on.).

On the Waterfront, Last-Night-in-Seattle Version: 100 firefighters battle three-alarm fire on retired crabbing boat.

Real-Life Operatic Tragedy in Enumclaw: Man in car fatally strikes bicyclist, realizes man on bicycle is his friend, commits suicide.

Nobody Said Life Was Fair: Allegedly intoxicated man drives 11 miles the wrong way on I-5, lives.

Mama Grizzly Makes Her Move: Thus bringing us one step closer to a Republican National Convention featuring the sentence, "In the lead is Sarah Palin, with Santorum trailing behind her."

Meanwhile in Whale Harassment: Suspects in Mason County, WA sought after allegedly harassing Orca whales.

I Look Forward to the Taiwanese CGI Summary and/or XXX Parody: Man eats 47 burritos in 10 minutes.

She'd Kill a Dragon for You: "Vatican is a nest of devils," says Sinead O'Connor.

As It Should Be: Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" reigns at 2010 Video Music Awards.

And happy birthday to Fiona Apple, born on this day in 1977. Ms. Apple has made some very good music and will hopefully make more in the future. But visually, she'll exist eternally in the public imagination as the anorexic jailbait pixie featured in the video below, which'll whisk viewers back to that several-month-long period of the '90s when child porn/pederasty was played for stylish sexiness (with the young'uns portrayed as innocently willing), as opposed to our current era, when child/porn pederasty is played as moralistic dramedy (with the young'uns portrayed by grown-ups). Enjoy.