Welcome to Sogtown: "Wet weather hits early, likely to stay," reports the Seattle Times.

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"This Way to the Gas Chambers": Spray-painted alongside swastikas on Mercer Island Jewish High School.

Mama Needs a New Pair of Shoes, But She Can No Longer Use Welfare Monies to Gamble for Them: Washington Department of Social and Health Services orders stop to use of welfare ATM cards at casinos.

Finally: BP's exploded well in the Gulf of Mexico has finally stopped gushing.

About This Shocking Bit of News: Mauled Bellevue councilman listed in serious but stable condition, wife shares tale of the attack.

Missing Cult Found!: Instead of committing suicide, they just went to the park and prayed.

Clobbered by Broncos: The Seattle Seahawks.

Happy Now, Wingnuts?: President Obama attends Christian church service, doesn't burst into flames.

And to Prove That My Feet Don't Smell, I Will Stab You with This Knife: 18-year-old Snohomish County woman accused of stabbing a 19-year-old man after he informed her that her feet smelled.

Lindsay Lohan: Admits to failing court-ordered drug tests, faces more jail time.

Meanwhile: Fellow druggy/jailbird Paris Hilton pleads her way out of more jail time.

This Is a Thing That Exists: AM/PM's Dough Ray Moo.

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And finally, today we celebrate the births of not one but two sets of musical twins: Nelson's Gunnar and Matthew Nelson, born on this day in 1967 (check out their glorious hair!), and Styx's Chuck and John Panazzo, born on this day in 1948 (more glorious hair!). Life's too short to link to songs by either Nelson or Styx, so instead, please enjoy this Taiwanese CGI report on America's Tea Party Revolution.

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