I wanted to share a story with your "It gets better project" but I can't manage to say it without crying so hard that I need to stop.
I'm a 22 year old bisexual woman in the happiest relationship of my life with a man and a girlfriend. I have a good job, sweet and wonderful friends. I learned to love myself and not to give two shits about what people thought of me or my lifestyle a long time ago. But I wasn't always this happy. My first girlfriend, Corrine, killed herself in January 2003. She was 15.
A year earlier, we were caught at a sleepover at her place one night by her parents after we had been secretly dating for a few months. After we were caught and her parents flipped out, he father was suddenly "transferred" to Alabama. They sent Corrine to one of those Baptist re-education camps down there over summer break—where she met her second girlfriend, Sara. Eventually the camp ripped them apart and sent them both home to different states. Corinne was then sent to public school in Huntsville. After flirting briefly with another girl, everyone knew she was a lesbian. And five months later, after her parents started to pretend that Corrine didn't exist...
...and after the entire school was cruel to her, Corrine hanged herself.
I wish I could've have reached her, that I could've been there for her more, that I could've stopped her from ending her life. And I want to tell anyone out there wanting to end their life that THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU. The pain never fades for those people left behind when someone takes their own life. I will never forget her and the callous way life treated her, and my own guilt at having been too busy that month to call her back like I usually did. I wish I could've made her understand that in another 2 years she'd be out of high school, that she could move away from her family and live with me, that she could've had a great life waiting for her outside of high school if she just managed to hang on just another 2 years.
If you're thinking about suicide, think about all of the people in your life that would miss you. We have to live with the pain of having lost you for the rest of our lives. THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU, sometimes they're just a bit harder to see. And don't put the people who love you through the pain and agony of having lost you. Seven years later, I still can't think about her without balling my eyes out. I miss her. She was the most beautiful, smart, sensitive, freckled redhead. A true Christian if I've ever known one, who volunteered at homeless shelters and never retaliated against those fuckers who made her so unhappy. I still can't bring myself to visit Alabama to see her grave. I miss her.
Dan, if you could share this with your readers and your project I would be grateful. I wish I could tell it myself but, I just can't without losing my shit.