So what's the big deal with this New York place? I've been here all day, but so far I've only done two things: eat pudding and run into celebrities on the street. I'm going to have to assume those are your two main pastimes. Let's rate them!

1) PUDDING: Chocolate Pudding with Salted Caramel and Brioche Croutons from the Gramercy Tavern.

This shit is bonkers. My apologies to every other inanimate object to which I've ever proposed marriage. Chocolate pudding with salted caramel and brioche croutons is my wife now. Nicely played, "Big Apple." 10/10.

2) CELEBRITIES: I accidentally waltzed around a corner and smack into Nicholas Turturro filming a scene for Blue Bloods, which apparently is a show. Now. This is all well and good, except do you know who ELSE is in Blue Bloods, which apparently is a show? Donnie "D's on the Back-Up" Wahlberg and TOM MOTHERMUSTACHE SELLECK. And you give me Nicholas Turturro? Nothing against Mr. Turturro, but RIP-OFF. You really let me down on this one, NYC. 1/10.

Total score for day one: 5.5/10. I'll give you another chance to impress me tomorrow, New York, but so far MIDDLING AT BEST.

(Pro Tip: MORE PUDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!)