People get furious when I leave plays at intermission. They seem to think it's my duty to sit through every last minute of a half-assed production, so I can notice the one good line or moment that comes at the end of a two-hour snoozefest (even though two decent seconds cannot possibly redeem the 7,198 bad ones).

But after 14 years of reviewing theater, I know a zero when I see one. I will grind my teeth through transcendentally awful performances (see God of Carnage), because their badness often dredges up issues worth discussing. But not zeroes—they dredge up nothing besides the question of whether it's a hate crime to walk out on them.

So, in this week's theater section, I call Epictetus as my expert witness and philosophical defender for walking out at intermission. And on this week's Stranger-flavored edition of Too Beautiful to Live, I elaborate. And now that I've explained myself, I will shut up about this subject, hopefully forever.

Megan Seling follows up my bile with some sweetness—her incredible ability to bake things inside of other things. Then host Luke Burbank devours a cupcake that Megan made for President Obama and talks with his mouth full, spewing bits of frosting all over his microphone. (And, as always, he is funnier and more charming than anyone else in the room, even when he's talking with his mouth full.) Listen to all of that stuff here.

And when you're done with that, listen to Luke interview Rainn Wilson (aka Dwight Schrute on The Office) about his "disfigured ball sack" (Luke's words). That is here today at two pm.