I'm an 18-year-old girl who has been dating a 20-year-old guy for about a year and a half now. We get along really well, and I enjoy being with him. Not too long ago, I decided I wanted a vibrator to use for when we're away at our separate schools. I'd been thinking about buying one for a while, but the decision to actually go out and get one for real was sort of spontaneous, and poorly planned. We were at his place, and I called up a few friends to go with us to make it more adventurous and fun. The problem was that his younger brother seemed to want to go with us, and we didn't specify where we were going or why we weren't including him. This upset my boyfriend's mother, and on the way back he said he was going to tell her that we all went off to buy me a vibrator, and that was why his younger brother couldn't come with us.

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I told him that I didn't want his mother to know that I was using a vibrator, because she still isn't alright with us having sex. I also thought that my purchase of a vibrator wasn't any of her business, and was just generally uncomfortable with her knowing about it. He brushed it off, and told her anyway which really upset me. To top it off, it turns out that all his parents have to do is ask, and he'll tell them ANYTHING. I'm talking personal, dirty secrets. He insists that they won't ask anything they don't need to know, but I feel like I can't trust him anymore. I also feel like his parents don't have any right to know about our sex life beyond the fact that we are having sex, and that we're using protection. This has been a source of real friction for us, because he doesn't want to lie to his parents. He's accused me of asking him to lie to his parents, and has even suggested that we stop having sex if I don't want them to know about our sex life. Am I overreacting? Or is my desire for privacy legitimate?

A Little Privacy, Please

My response after the jump...


Your desire for privacy is completely legit*, your boyfriend is a total jerk**, and his parents' inability to set appropriate and healthy boundaries bodes ill for the future***. DTMFA.

* That said, ALPP, perhaps your boyfriend would've taken your privacy concerns more seriously if you hadn't invited friends along and made a group outing of your vibrator-shopping trip.

** Your boyfriend may not have been able to understand why you wanted to keep your vibrator purchase and masturbatory routines/plans private (at least from his parents)—because he really may be that clueless or dense (thanks to his parents)—but he nevertheless should have been able to respect your direct request that he not share the news with his parents.

*** There's a difference between "lying to your parents" and having a private life. His parents may feel—incorrectly—that they have a right to know every last detail of their son's private life, ALPP, but they don't have a right to know every last detail about your private life. And your boyfriend has made it clear that there's only one way for you to keep your private life private: You're going to have to dump the twisted little shit with the nosy parents.