According to a Seattle police report, on October 30, a woman was parked in the curbside pickup zone at the Northgate Mall location of California Pizza Kitchen, waiting for her order, when she heard honks directed at her from a dark-colored SUV, apparently wanting her to move her vehicle. She was allegedly parked in the designated waiting zone. She did not move from the Pizza Kitchen.

Then this reportedly happened: "The suspect drove his vehicle along side hers and pointed a handgun at her." The suspect reportedly said, "curb pick up was for lazy asses." Never mind that pointing handguns at people is a lazy loser's way of arguing. How can you possibly rebut a handgun?

The woman still did not move from the Pizza Kitchen. She did, however, write down the suspect's license plate number as he drove away, though the number she wrote down did not return the car she remembered in the police database. According to the report, the victim described the suspect as "a male in his 40's, Asian or possibly Philipino (sic), kind of a dark complexion, Med. build, dark hair that was collar length, and wearing glasses."

This alleged handgun-wielding is still out there. You can avoid his wrath by walking or taking public transit instead of driving. Parking at the back of the lot and walking to the Pizza Kitchen instead of hogging the rock-star parking. Or you could also just avoid suburban hellholes like Northgate Mall and the shitty outposts of chain food for the nouveau not-even-riche that populate them.