Seriously, look at what a fat bitch that Minnie Mouse was:

Even her feet are fat.
  • Even her feet are fat.

For nearly 70 years she never lost a pound or changed her clothes. Who even knows what she did for a living? What kind of role model is that—an unmarried, unemployed, fat mouse who doesn't even own a pair of pants? Is that what we want our little girls aspiring to be like?

So after decades of telling her to pull her life together—stop giggling, get a job, wash that goddamn bow at the very least—Disney finally helped her out by replacing her legs with dental floss and drawing her a new jacket and scarf. Now she's a fashion designer for Forever 21! Look at how leggy and modern and glamorous she is!

Bows thinner, heads still obese.
  • Bow's thinner, head's still obese.

All little girls should be so lucky.