I was in a FWB-type situation with a man for about a year (we are both in our early 30s). The sex was phenomenal, and we enjoyed each other's company outside the bedroom too. On an emotional level we kept things casual because of one simple but crucial dealbreaker: I have always known that I do not want to have children, and he feels strongly about being a father someday. That was fine with me and I was content to enjoy what we had while it lasted.

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Then he met someone he wanted to start a real relationship with and stopped seeing me. That would have been fine, except the way he handled it really hurt my feelings. He just stopped calling, and removed me as a friend on Facebook without a word of explanation. Not even a "by the way, I met someone, so bye" text message. I always knew that what we had came with an expiration date, but I still feel like I was owed the common courtesy of being told that our situation was changing. I tried to confront him about this when I ran into him at a party but he laughed in my face and accused me of being jealous. Friends I've told about this have said something along the lines of, "Well, what did you expect? It wasn't a real relationship." I know it wasn't, but does that really mean I deserve to be thrown away with the trash without so much as a word?

I am not going to confront him again or do any other pathetic attempt at "closure" because I know I would only make myself look like an ass, I am just hoping to get your opinion on the situation.

Thrown Out With The Trash

My response after the jump...


Dropping you without a word was a jerk move—total asshole behavior.

And tell your friends from me that a temporary FWB arrangement is just as "real" a relationship as any other. You exist, he exists, you really had sex, you really spent a year together. Just because you went in knowing you wouldn't be forming any lifelong bonds—or making any babies—doesn't get him off the treat-the-people-he-fucks-with-basic-human-decency hook and it doesn't mean you can't have a feeling about how it ended. Your friends must have disapproved of your having FWB/NSA sex and are using this breakup as an excuse to engage in a little after-the-fact slut shaming. You might wanna ask yourself if they're your "real" friends.

But you shouldn't confront him again—not yet. People who abuse their FWBs typically don't treat the people with whom they have so-called "real" relationships much better. It's only a matter of time before the open-to-breeding woman he's with now realizes he's an asshole and dumps him and he come crawling back to you looking for sex.

And that's when you tell him to go fuck himself.

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