Gift giving season is upon us, and what gift says "God is always with you" better than reusable Jesus panty liners stitched with inspirational messaging?

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The answer is no gift. None. I'd love these as stocking stuffers if I hadn't stopped menstruating the old fashioned way long ago. I don't believe in private stigmatas, so I salted my womb in high school and now I bleed from my eyes for a few days every month instead. That way, everyone has to stare my shame in the face.

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