Browse Strangercrombie, why don't you? Browse it! You'll find things like the optimistically named "Taking Nirvana Back from the Masses" package. (Going for $162.50! I didn't realize obscurity could buy them back so cheap!)

And the ten tickets to HUMP! (no lines, no hassle) are going for a mere $315! That's just $10 over the ticket price to breeze right through the door. Do you have any idea what kinds of things—filthy, dirty things—people would do for that privilege? You want NINE people in your eternal debt? (If you know what I'm saying.) That's got to be worth more than $10 per—ahem—head.

Derek Erdman's offer to write and record a revenge-rap against the person of your choice is at just $31 right now. Stupid cheap!

(Speaking of stupid, I am amazed that a date with me [plus a bunch of theater tickets] is currently outselling a date with Wendell fucking Berry [plus a bunch of lecture tickets]! IN YOUR FACE, you distinguished old environmentalist/poet! The people have spoken! All the Guggenheim Awards in the world can't rig the outcome of Strangercrombie!)

And remember, you can buy these things for other people. Do you know someone who'd like the privilege of commissioning a revenge rap? OF COURSE you do. And it's all for charity!

Strangercrombie: Get on it!