It's 2011! This edition of the Morning News will not be funny. I'm sorry. I will try a little, probably, but I have had about three hours of sleep. The good thing is, though, seeing as how I do not drink, at least I am not 1) hungover or 2) still drunk.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Here's the news:

Sad Start to the New Year: One woman is dead after a head-on collision with a Metro bus.

But Here's Some (Kind of Good News): All eight family members survive a house fire in Ballard.

Back to the Bad News: Two are dead after a medical helicopter and small plane collided.

Shake, Rattle...: A 7.0 earthquake hits Argentina.

That's One Way to Celebrate: North Korea reminded South Korea that they want to take over, via their annual New Year message.

WAKE UP: If you have an iPhone, it's possible your alarm didn't go off this morning due to a 2011 glitch.

Don't Laugh, Droid Users: You're not safe either.

Twister: Parts of Mississippi, Alabama and Louisiana are on a tornado watch after flooding.

Speaking of Floods: Australia's under water.

The Asshole Wins!: Facebook is more popular than Google.

Car Bomb: At least 17 are dead after a car bomb went off outside a church in Egypt.

They're Baaaaack: The Sea Shepards caught up with the Japanese whaling ship and threw stink bombs at them.

The Winter Classic: The annual outdoor hockey game has been delayed due to warm weather and rain. (They should've had it here in Seattle, it's fucking FREEZING.)

And finally, here is your 2011 anthem. You're welcome.