Paul Constant is tired of you real-life superheroes. He does not wish to discuss it any further.
But Wm.™ Steven Humphrey has got your back with some superhero fashion advice:
Dear superheroes of the world: Let's talk "fashion," shall we? Perhaps it hasn't been brought to your attention, but you look like a goddamn idiot. As I see it, you have only one job: BEATING THE CRAP OUT OF CRIMINALS. However, the uniform you've chosen in which to accomplish this task seems somewhat counterintuitive. For example, would a ballerina dress like a Chuck E. Cheese's mascot? No. Would a construction worker wear assless chaps? Again, no—unless you're talking about my most recent New Year's party. So bearing this in mind, why do superheroes insist on dressing like a Jazzercise video from 1982?
Read more of his sartorial wisdom here.