During my Morning News collating of last week, I was confronted by a wave of "health reports" decrying America's dangerously excessive salt intake. (Long story short: Salt's already in everything and then we add it to everything and our HEARTS EXPLODE.) These reports were often linked to other health reports supplying tips for how to reduce one's salt intake. I enjoy not having my heart explode as much as the next person, so I checked out CNN's guide to Defeating Sneaky Salt and found sentences like these:

Spice is awfully nice when you want to amp up the flavor. Tuck the salt container in the back of the cupboard so you have to work for it, and bring nutmeg, celery seed, pepper, cumin, paprika, allspice, anise to the fore.


In an act of compromise, I purchased a container of Mrs. Dash. It wasn't easy. Salt is dangerous and cool, like Nico, and Mrs. Dash is sensible and supportive, like Natalie, and I was sure I would hate Mrs. Dash's fucking guts.

However, yesterday I experimented with preparing foods that, for me, are among the most demanding of salt (scrambled eggs, steamed broccoli), using only Mrs. Dash and it was not horrible. To my surprise, eggs and Mrs. Dash get along perfectly fine, but unsalted broccoli was a bummer and Mrs. Dash didn't help. (Also, may I just point out that salt-free seasoning blends can apparently get married but I CAN'T?)