I have been dating my first serious boyfriend for two years now. Last summer, after we had been together for well over a year, he told me that he was bisexual. Actually, he told me, "I'm bisexual, and I cheated on you with a guy." All things considered, it was sort of best-case-scenario cheating: they didn't end up having sex, he was far from sober, it wasn't anyone I knew, and I think that I would have gotten a lot more jealous had it been with another woman. So it was an easy decision to forgive him and try to move on.

My problem is that I am still really uncomfortable with the fact that he's attracted to and has had sex with men. It still makes me angry that he didn't tell me that he was bisexual for more than a year after we started dating, and when it comes up, even just in casual conversation, I feel overwhelmingly hurt and sad again. I haven't told him this explicitly, but I'm sure it's pretty obvious. He gets hit on by guys a lot when we go out, and he has no problem telling strangers who are chatting him up that he's bi when I'm standing right next to him. I am glad that he's more comfortable with his sexuality now, but it still feels like a slap in the face.

Am I being a bigot for not being able to accept this? I really don't have a problem with bi guys in general—I've been involved with a few before, and if anything I think bisexuals are kind of hot. Heck, I've always been kind of curious about sleeping with women (though I know that this is a fairly common sentiment among otherwise straight girls). I have absolutely no doubt that my boyfriend is crazy about me (and my body), and I feel like a jerk for holding this against him.

How can I come to terms with my boyfriend's sexual orientation?

Disgruntled Girlfriend

My response after the jump...


I wonder if your discomfort and sadness doesn't stem so much from the fact that your boyfriend is a bi guy, DG, but from the fact that your boyfriend is a lie guy. If he lied to you about this hugely important issue... what else is he capable of lying to you about?

You don't say how young you are, or how young he is, but if he's young and just coming to terms with his bisexuality, DG, I would encourage you to forgive him for handling this so poorly, and move on. You are, after all, somewhat attracted to bisexual guys and it sounds like your curious about exploring your own potential bisexuality. Who better to explore it with than him?

Finally, you might find this study of interest. Good summary here.