TV Headline of the Day (Perhaps Millennium)


Are you sure this isn't for April 1st?
Betty White's Jackass. Gold!
Thank you so much. I cannot wait!
Hola, gus! (This thread is making me think of the Benny Hill wheelchair races...)
2 ftw! John McCain is the guest.
Any hi-larious potential is dressing up the other end of a car wash like heaven? Should involve Michael Landon impersonator.

Or, what about repealing Bush's Medicare prescription drug act that has the potential to contribute more to the debt of this country than any other single act. That's not so much of a "prank", I guess.

The only "probably won't kill them" octogenarian hijinx I can think of involve either people pretending to be robots, which is pretty Bush league and probably means I own Jay Leno some sort of an apology.
Canuck! That's it - didja see Dan's reference to your "flying monkeys" line? See, you've put a phrase in coinage. Well done, you!
We replaced this man's denture cream with a tube of Icy Hot. Let's see if he notices.
A mash up with "To Catch a Predator".
You sunk my battleship!
Oh gus, you are too kind, but despite what my avatar might suggest, I'm sure the "flying monkeys" bit predates me, although if I were to coin a Sloggism, you can be sure I would have it emblazoned on my tombstone. You, however, are the proud landlord of Cafe Apocrypha, and I'd better get a discount when I order up my first Frothy Mix latte!

(PS I have only 3 episodes of White Collar left...if I don't comment over the weekend, it will be because I am curled up in a fetal position, sobbing...)
I'm thinking for the warmer months that in honor of Michael K we should serve Cafe Apocrypha's Frothy Mix in an iced "Fappuccino" as well.

Hey, speaking of fap-worthy, I am sorry you're running out of fresh White Collar material. Maybe Matt Bomer will decide a quieter, more heterosexual life in Calgary is his future, and he can move up and become your side piece....he'd nickname you "Peg" and call Mr. Canuck "Sir, Yes Sir"....
Oh, that is priceless!! Fappuccino! And if I were directing my own episode of White Collar, I can't think of a better storyline ("You never know until you try it, honey..." and then I'd do my wink/eye tick that brings the boys running...) Sigh. Peg. I could get used to that...although I would settle for a sabbatical where I could just be his kids' nanny, and I would drool into the cornflakes every morning, and brush non-existent lint off his coat. Okay, I'll stop now.
(Mr. Canuck would totally be into that "sir" stuff, he has a wee bit of a God complex.. :)
How about cuts to Social Security and Medicare after their houses have been foreclosed on and their savings wiped out by the banks and predatory Wall Street? As an added kick in the pants, whoever haa a pension, it will be raided by Tea Bag Govenors or greedy CEOs.

Thanks to the collusion of Republicans, Blue Dog Democrats and Our Glorious Blue Dog President, you're about to see that Grand Bargain prank on the reality TV of cable and network news.
Didn't anyone actually read the article: "The show, a golden ager version of Trigger Happy TV, features senior citizens playing pranks on unsuspecting youngsters." I'm seeing hours of grandpa pretending to separate his thumb from his hand for incredulous four-year-olds, and suddenly this doesn't sound so funny anymore.
Okay. Have a doc tell one of them that they don't have much time left...not really a prank, though. Hmm, even better. They'll be told that murder she wrote's coming back for a whole new season, only instead of the new season that you've got the olds anxiously anticipating, it's just a bunch of reruns from the eighties. The problem is that only the audience will be in on the prank even after it's over. So far, nothing. Apparently betty white's the only surviving cast member of golden girls. She could be waiting in a doctor's office with some other olds, and tell them that she killed all of the other cast members for their medication because of "obamacare", and then ask the others what kinds of pills that they take. How about trying to get old people to say racist and/or homophobic things followed by awkward pauses and harsh ridicule? Okay, betty white pretends she's having a stroke in, say, a restaurant...or even better, betty white is "passed out" on the floor showing no visible signs of life when her wizened friends come to one of those, "what would you do" thingies taken too far (ha ha!). And when they panic and check her pulse, she could say,"Boo!" or, "chicken pot pie!"

But I think I've got a prank that beats all of that amateur hour bullshit. Visit one of those lower end nursing homes. You know, the kind where old people are sent off to die alone staring vacantly at a wall and guarding the few possessions that they have left from drug addicted staff who will steal and pawn it for crack money, waiting for the merciful kiss of death to whisk them away them from their urine soaked hell. They likely haven't been visited by family or friends in a very long time...Betty White could tell them that their children, grandchildren or friends are coming to visit on the weekend. On the day of the big event, nobody shows up--not even betty white. Comedy gold.
"sorry sir/m'am, medicare doesn't cover that, but we got some great payment plans!"
Denture Cream laced with Super Glue