SL Letter of the Day: Round Up, Round Down, Or Refuse to Round At All

Comments

1
god this is boring. labels are so limiting.
2
I think this one needs to be printed out & a copy given to everyone...
4
polka dot pink and flora green toe polish is the way to go
5
Might I suggest an alternative for the letter writer? This link is the United Way of King County "Ways to Volunteer" page. If you're not in King County, I expect you can find a similar page in your community. The suggestion is: take all the time you are spending worrying about someone else's sexuality, and someone else's response to that someone else's sexuality, and spend it in service to people who need your time, energy and resources. You will feel better, the world will be a better place, and your friends will work out their issues (or not) equally as well with or without your intervention.
6
What is a "95% gay man"? What is the other 5%?
7
Anyone who insists there are no bisexuals is a jerk. I won't say "asshole" because I'm quite fond of both male and female assholes.

My 12 year old son, to whom I came out this afternoon, said with a shrug and a smile, "I don't have a problem with that." So yeah, we think I exist.
8
A sausage and fish combo platter sounds very creole.
9
Hey, Jenesasquatch! I've followed some of your discussions with Canuck and KiP. Congratulations on coming out to your son. Not that you asked my opinion, but it seems like a good first step to being able to be more honest with your family.
10
@9 Thanks.
11
Strait jacket. As in tight.

Dire straits = a tight situation

"Narrow is the way, and strait is the gate" = they're both narrow.
12
I don't believe that Q exists.
13
@3 It started mattering when Q thinks people can only be attracted to only men or only women and is telling someone who's still trying to figure out his sexuality that he can't be attracted to both. The label itself is just a word, but when people say the attraction and sexuality represented by that word doesn't exist (and therefore the people who feel that way don't exist) then it becomes a problem.
14
@6, Saber-toothed tiger.
15

Can a person be 1% gay?

16
This is messy and provocative. Another "interesting" gay relationship arrangement. I can't stand the whole anti-label crowd and the whole label crowd. Crowds: they suck. Good advice for those who lack agency and basic reasoning skills, though. Bravo! More confused/confusing peeps set straight, as it were.
17
I have come to believe that the intolerance for male bisexuals stems from a cultural expectation for men - gay or straight - to be decisive. I think that gay or straight, it's testosterone driven intolerance.
18
@17 -- Personally, I think the intolerance for male bisexuals is a cultural expectation that you don't get to be happy without making difficult choices (like people who are offended at folks who actually manage to get their dream job and make it work) combined with the common mis-perception of 'bisexuals can fuck anyone and be happy.'
19
Wouldn't TLAO's partner be a reasonable person for him to go to with this question? Maybe TLAO's partner could give Q a clue...

Also, rather than worrying about labels, somebody should be worrying about R the person. He's evidently in crisis, and I'm trying to imagine the kind of crisis that makes a self-identified gay man feel straight. To me, that screams sexual assault by a man he trusted. Maybe I'm just saying that because I've been assaulted by a man I trusted. Not that it made me a lesbian, but does anyone else have a theory about why someone who happily sucked cock or whatever would now think that he didn't want to go near a cock?

(Sidenote to jenesasquatch - wonderful news!)
20
@17- It's also because SO MANY gay men called themselves BI at some point in their lives, to better cope with the notion they liked boys. Since so many did, it's hard not to believe the others are also, especially when they seem to prefer boys, but are still in the closet in a big way.
One of my best gay friends still tells folks he's bisexual, even tho he's not had sex with a woman in 30+ years.... I never tell folks I'm bisexual, even tho I was married to a woman for 10 years with plenty of sex and two sons. I was never BI emotionally, so I cannot claim the label.
21
@19 EricaP
Thank you dear Lady.

When I was a teen this kind of question presented itself to me. Until you face each part of yourself and experience different things it actually is hard to know what you are. Maybe he never spent much time thinking about bisexuality as a legitimate thing. Viewing yourself as one thing or the other depending on the person you are with leads to tumult when that person is gone.
22
@20 OutInBumF

If you are saying behavior dictates orientation I disagree. I haven't had a man in 25 years but I still hunger for one all the time, just like I hunger for women who are not my wife. A monogamous man is not rounded down to asexual after a given number of years because he only has sex with a single woman.
23
Oh, so he wasn't so much gay as in love with Person X (who happened to be a boy)? And now that X has broken up with him, he reverts to straight? Hard for me to picture, but yeah, maybe.

24
it seems to me that ass holes are the " focus " of the problem , both in attitude , and orifice .
25
you freaks give degeneracy and perversion a bad name....
26
You people and your quaint little categories...

Sorry, had to quote
27
@6 I guess he'd be "homoflexible"? it doesn't really have the same ring to it...

@23 maybe he identified as gay and was secure in that identity until he saw and felt attracted to some girl?
28
@27 you're right, it says R came out as gay 2 years ago, but maybe he always believed he was gay, came out 2 years ago, and then just this year met the girl who makes him realize that he can be attracted to a girl. Still, it's hard enough to say you're gay in our society that he wouldn't have done so unless he was pretty sure he liked some cock, so to go from that to not liking cock at all seems pretty unusual to me.

OTOH, maybe they're all 16 years old, and their hormones are making them act this crazy.
29
Go jenesasquatch!! Congrats! It's so great to have one's child be okay with one's big life decisions! My teen daughter congratulated my ex and me when we told her we were splitting up last year. Whew.
30
Well, be as derisive of labels as y'all like -- but I don't think the point here was to go by those so much (eg "gray rights") as to potentially help R out in letting go of the rigidity of labels. As with @19, I hope the "meltdown" doesn't involve something like that :(

I do think any assessment of someone's sexuality is going to have to be composed of both who the person would like to have sex with and who the person actually has sex with, partly because people will have so many self definitions based on one *or* the other of these aspects -- and many people clearly take one or the other more importantly.

31
Oh jenesasquatch, what great news, I am so, so happy for you! (And sad I was out and not able to congratulate you right away.) Children are often much wiser than we give them credit for. xo.
32
@9 et al. --- say, how is KiP doing? Anybody heard? If she's posted lately I haven't seen it.
33
@32 Check out @233 of the current (but not for long) Savage Love column, and read to the end... :)
34
flippin or flopin he's still a fag
35
So women are allowed fluid sexuality but men aren't? Took me a long time to go from straight to bi, then not so long to go to probably lesbian, and then back to bi when I very unexpectedly fell for a man. There is much evidence that this is experiential and environment based for women and not so innate...I'm quite sure there are men who experience sexuality in the same way so not only do labels have massive limitations in the here and now, but they go no way to describe the changing places so many of us find ourselves in.
36
@20 Bingo.

Lots of guys who are pretty much entirely gay will go through a phase as they are coming out where they will call themselves bi. It is, strictly speaking, a lie, but it's a lie that helps them adjust to living openly with an attraction to other men, gives them some space to start seeing how a non-straight identity will work for them, and also allows them to defer explanations to friends and relatives about why there isn't a hetero marriage and family on the horizon.

In other words, it's a kind of transitional identity that may not line up exactly with who you're attracted to but is more of a bridge to fully identifying as gay.

The problem is that once you have fully made the transition to identifying as gay, there's an in-built assumption that anyone who's identifying as bi is doing the exact same thing. Hence Q's insistence that R must be either gay or straight.

Personally, I think the reality is that we're all a shade of gray, we're all bi to some extent. One of my most surprising experiences happened after I'd been out as a 100% men-only gay guy for five years or so. I ended up having sex with a woman and I fucking loved it! And that really rocked my identity as a gay man to its core. So I figure that that particular girl under those particular circumstances just happened to tickle that small part of me that's into the opposite sex.

For all intents and purposes, I'm a gay man. I can't see myself in a relationship with a woman, and I've never been tempted to repeat the experience again in the 15-odd years since that one experience. But it was very cool to meet that side of me and get to know myself a little better.
37
I'm glad to see I'm not the only one here who's willing to post in--qualified--defense of Q who doesn't believe in Bisexuals.

Yes lot of gay men (and not a very few gay women) identify as bi as a stepping-stone to the coming-out process.

Add to that that culturally, we're inclined to pair-bond no matter what orientation we are. The long-term partner most of us tend to wind up with (and just about all of us want to wind up with) has to be one gender or the other. So in the end, bis tend to look like a pretty rare breed.

So Q's not an asshole for not believing in bis. After all, we don't choose our beliefs the same way we choose what underwear to wear to the big orgy next week.

But he's probably not in the best position to give advice to somebody who's trying to figure out his orientation and probably, at this point, at least is in fact bi.

Speaking as a round-up straight who's thoroughly comfortable with having sucked a cock or two in my misspent youth, orientation is all about love. I could never love a man well in the sense a sex partner should. I'd always be looking for that pretty girl around the next corner. So I took myself out of the bi dating pool.
38
@37:

No, orientation is not all about love. I love all sorts of people, with penises or with vaginas, but I only want to have sex with people with vaginas.

It is true that there is romantic orientation, as well as sexual orientation, and the two are not necessarily the same. Maybe R is romantically bi but not sexually bi?
39
@ 37.

No, Q is a narrowminded asshole. While how he got to his position may be understandable, that doesn't make it reasonable, and he ought to have self-disqualified himself from assisting this guy who is troubled and uncertain.
40
This seems quite strange, R suddenly has a meltdown and decides, after 3 years, he might be straight. Unless he is quite young, this meltdown seem like a complete over-reaction, although to be fair details are missing. I would probably side with EricaP here and suggest that some other trauma is affecting this, be it an abusive ex, or whatever, and he should get himself to a sex-positive therapist.

That being said, while I think Q is wrong, I don't think you have any right to try and censor the information input to your friend. We all choose our own friends, and we all choose who we go to for advise. When he asks you, you can tell him what you think, you can even tell him that Q is full of shit, but I don't think you can go behind R's back and tell Q that he can't advise R because he doesn't agree with you. I would assume that even though you did it had no effect of Q's attitude nor amount of advise, so it was ultimately pointless anyway.
41
@19, who wrote: "does anyone else have a theory about why someone who happily sucked cock or whatever would now think that he didn't want to go near a cock?" I have a theory: it's called homophobia-induced misdirected self-hatred and insecurity. I went through it myself. Thankfully, I've been clean for almost 15 years now and am happily cocksucking again, but it was a necessary part of my personal evolution, I guess. I wanted to "have it all," which at the time meant total acceptance by my friends, family, and community at large - and the cocksucking thing didn't fit that particular stereotype. I was tired of being hated for who I loved. In other words: I was a coward. Me am a big boy now.
42
@29 Sarah in Olympia
I congratulate you and your ex on your fine parenting. Holy mackerel that girl is a keeper!

@41 zberg
Well done. Glad you got there.

@31 Canuck
Hi! How'd the rubber distribution go (you naughty naughty cougar) ? Seriously, though, you're a lifesaver.

BEG and others
Perhaps the difficulty of sorting all this out is the reason that Kinsey made his scale strictly about experience. Teasing out the feelings a person has is a tough thing to do. It is a shifting landscape over time and across relationships.

Decide for yourself who you are. Definitely don't take shit from people who try to tell you you don't exist.
43
Ah, jenesasquatch, yesterday was merely packaging up rubbers into nifty little bags with info and candy (always lure them with candy!) to be ready for distributing to today's impressionable youth...

You sound chipper this a.m...I am happy for you, and it seems you're happy, too, your shoulders a bit lighter, perhaps, now that things are a bit more open?
*smile*
44
(memo to self: don't type while hurrying child out the door to bus...) meant to say, *MUCH* more open!
45
Congratulations, jenesasquatch! I've lurked on a number of the threads you've where you've shared parts of your story, and you deserve all of the happiness in the world. I hope that your son's acceptance is part of a road to more general contentment and getting what you need out of your life.
46
@42 - So glad it went well for you. May this bit of openness bring good to your relationship with him.
47
As for the question at hand, I am in the weird position of thinking that Q is wrong but that TLAO is on shakier advisory ground. Q's advice, containing prejudice of dubious reasonability, seems more likely to be seen through where it has flaws, especially as Q's advice will not be the only input R is given (really, shades of Mr Ramsay here!). However, given that TLAO appears at least somewhat to fetishize bisexuality, or something vaguely in that direction (I only have five minutes for this post, sorry), I'd say pack R off to the bisexual boyfriend for advice.

Does being wrong in and of itself confer the A-word? That seems rather harsh. Not that it might not accurately apply to Q, and I entirely sympathize with those who have a personal reason for wanting to label Q an A, but given only what we know of this one dispute, one swallow hardly makes a summer. If I were so liberal with the A-word, I'd have been run out of Slate ages ago. Not that it didn't shock me to find that a number of otherwise right-thinking people just didn't believe in bisexuality, but I'm generally willing to allow people a couple of blind spots.

Perhaps Mr Savage's limited application to apply within this discussion only is nearest the mark.
48
Canuck, Canadian Nurse, vennominon

Thanks! So you are all so sweet.

@47 vennominon
You are a gracious man. We do have our blind spots. I have never found being called names very persuasive in the short term. But in the long term perhaps being called out for our prejudices in harsh terms has a pernicious effect on them.

(You lovely thing. I may have to turn up one day and read to you at length from Miss Austen.)
49
# 6 asks: What is a "95% gay man"? What is the other 5%?

The answer: a secret blend of 11 different herbs and spices.
50
@48 "(You lovely thing. I may have to turn up one day and read to you at length from Miss Austen.)"

Humbly requests future video to be posted on slog, of course...
51
Congratulazioni, darling Mr. J. You deserve it. xo

And, hello Slog. xo
52
Hello, Kim!
53
Back when I thought I was straight my everyday, all day fantasy was to imagine some hot guy I liked banging some hot chick he liked. Then when I knew I was gay, I still got to skip the Viagra by thinking about my hot neighbor guy banging some hot babe he likes. For me, it's about the guy, no matter whom he banging. Sometime I think it would ruin my fantasy if he was banging me. My first *ever* erotic dream was a priest banging a nun, and I was never a Catholic and I've been an atheist all of my adult life. I think I'm just turned on by people banging someone they're not supposed to be banging. So I wouldn't bang a female and i wouldn't bang any guy under 40 years old. Where am I going with this? I forgot. I'll wait till Dan posts another topic and try to hang with it somehow.
54
@33 thank you! I had missed out on that entire (very very long) conversation.
55
I agree with Adam West @40.

I think Q is totally wrong, and his advise unhelpful. But it is pointless and even counterproductive for TLAO to try to censor Q. R is going to have to sort out his sexuality, and he's going to get advice from all sorts of people. Some of it will be good, some will be bad. He's going to hear the old trope that bisexuals don't really exist from someone, whether it is Q or someone else. And hopefully he'll eventually learn to discount that opinion by listening to more reasoned people.

Freedom of speech can be an annoying thing, particularly when listening to people say stupid and wrong things. But it is better than censorship.
56
@50 Canuck

Not on slog, sorry. In the unlikely event that I have the privilege of being rogered on someone's desk in the future I will certainly give you the Skype option. You know I was being literal about reading, right? (you and your gay porn voyeurism!)
57
@51 Great to see you here, Kim!
58
If R is to sort himself out, he does not need Q telling him that this or the other label/identity/whatever is nonexistent or unacceptable.

If Q wants to believe that bisexuals don't exist he has that right, but he is as wrong as those who insist that homosexuals are going through a phase or can be cured.

Hey Jenesasquatch! Congratulations on coming out.
59
Congrats, jenesasquatch!

My favorite coming out response was from my niece who was 13ish at the time: "Who cares?"
60
@59 Ha! You said it sister...
61
@jenesasquatch: since I'm in love with you, I'm curious to know more about your coming out to your son... can I read some of your previous discussions here on slog? Are you planning to start dating men, or you just wanted your son to know about your past?
62
"...but Q doesn't believe in bisexuals (that is, he is that type of gay boy who is not a fan of bisexuality and thinks it doesn't really exist)."

What the fuck? What an asshole. What's your deal, Q? We have people who identify as bisexual and seek out and enjoy sex with men and women both, sometimes at the very same time (so no semantic games about people only being attracted to any one gender of person at a given point in time): given that fact, the burden is on you to explain why, exactly, bisexuals don't exist.

@17: I'm not sure that's it; there's nothing indecisive about being sure ones like to fuck both men and women. I really can't fathom why people would have trouble believing that there are people who enjoy sex with people of different genders, if they accept that people can enjoy/desire sex with people of the same gender (as that requires them to disabuse themselves of the notion of an essentialized, oppositional model of sex/gender/sexuality i.e. men only ever want to fuck women and women only ever want to fuck men). The only possibility I can imagine is denial as a defense mechanism (the existence of bisexuals would destroy my worldview or sense of self, so I will not accept that bisexuals exist).
63
I really don't understand why some gay people find it so difficult to believe in bisexuality. Sure, there are some people who go through the "bi now, gay later" phase -- that is, calling themselves bi when they're really gay as an interrim step in the coming out process. And as Dan has said, some people who are predominantly attracted to one sex or the other may round themselves up or down, finding the middle to be a difficult place to find a community.

By why the vehemence? Why is it so hard to accept that some people, probably more people than we realize, are more towards the middle in varying degrees. I'm 95% to 99% gay (that 1% to 5% is the part that if there happens to be a naked woman in the photo of the hot naked guy, I can get off on focusing on the guy without being grossed out that a naked woman is in the photo, too). I guess it's a form of Occam's Razer for me. If you can accept that some people only like the opposite sex and other people only like the same sex, doesn't it just make sense that some people can like both to varying degrees?

Also, I agree with Dan that labels can be useful tools. They provide a linguistic shortcut. But like all tools, they have to be used properly because tools can cause harm when used incorrectly or with malice. And some tools, like Rick Santorum, are very dangerous.
64
I should add that in R's case, knowing the details could be important. Did he have a bad breakup with a guy? Does he have a conservative family who are pressuring him? Did he meet a girl for whom he has unexpected romantic and/or sexual feelings? The first two could be melting under the pressure of going back into the closet. The last could be either true bisexuality or confusion over the intensity of a platonic attraction. In any event, the details DO matter but it doesn't make Q any less of a jerk for trying to deny some potential options.
65
jenesasquatch @56 Whatever, just spoil all my fun ("literal reading" my Aunt Fanny...) My voyeurism will forever be denied, but don't even worry about it... :-p
66
I'd feel a little more comfortable dismissing Q if we actually had a concrete piece of Q's advice to R. Not everything one may say in public, however stridently, will necessarily be consistent with the private advice one gives a suffering friend. If my friend Z had a problem and asked me for advice about it, and my other friend Y, without even hearing anything I was actually telling Z, came to me and said that, since Z's problem concerns issue X, and since I have all the wrong ideas about X, I must therefore recuse myself from advising Z, I might make a pretty harsh reply.

For a concrete example, I offer the "Groped By an Angel" epdisode of Daria in which Daria is able to set aside her own disbelief in and disapproval of believing in guardian angels to give Quinn some comfort when Quinn thinks her G.A. has deserted her.

For Mr J, I have been thinking of how, "Sir John, with the assistance of his mother-in-law, was not long in discovering that the name of Ferrars began with an F..."
67
@6 Margin of error.
68
@61 Azul
Hello again and thank you for the kind sentiment. I get hung up on words like "past" in threads like this. My present is bisexuality regardless of with whom I sleep. No, I have no plans to date anyone. I came out because of the influence of IGBP and simply feeling that it was time. It does not due to be invisible.

(Shameless, semi-anonymous flirting is another story, especially when presented with the challenge of lovely gentlemen who fancy themselves "retired" from the sphere of love. You can run, Sir, but you can't hide.)

Azul, perhaps your good opinion may be lost if you read last week's melodrama in the comments section of Savage Love wherein, to the mystification of all, only a single person in effect told me what a bat-shit-crazy drama queen I am. Search term "bargepole." Stay tuned for Chapter 27: "I Am Eaten by Sharks" (apologies to Mr. V. for mixing my classics).

@66 vennominon
Oh, you are a naughty man.
69
You say bat- shit crazy drama queen like it's a bad thing... ;)
70
@69 Canuck
I'm fine with that label.
71
Even without adjectives, being called a Drama Queen by Mr Savage Himself has taken a considerable lead in the running for highlight of my year. The only thing I foresee likely to compete with it will be if my new concept of Homocentric August goes well.
72
If drama queen is anything like Dairy Queen? I'll lick. I thought things went smashing: bargepoles, bourgeois, Jane Austin, flavored condom, and hook ups with femomen allies. And someone thought it was a desultory SL week?
73
I've got an ethical question:
I'm a straight girl in a relationship with a guy, but girls can turn me on. I kissed a girl at a party -- my boyfriend knew and didn't mind, and the girl knew I had a boyfriend, and so I thought I was in the clear.

But my bisexual BFF says this is a horrible thing to do, that straight girls should just stay away from women because this makes a travesty of actual lesbian love -- it's wrong to want to fool around with girls but settle down with a guy.

Thoughts?
74
@71 Mr. V.
Do I look on ticketmaster for Homocentric August?
75
@72 drizzle89
Have you seriously thought out why you kissed a girl and liked it? Surely you know this is a common attention seeking behavior? Examine your feelings a bit more.

Your question is more about fidelity. There were quite a few people in your example whose permission should have been sought before the kissing. When you are not violating anyone's trust then go ahead and enjoy men and women in any proportions you care to. The existence of your special brand of sex life has no bearing on anyone else.
76
@73 - Why is it wrong to want something? It might be wrong to act on you want, depending on what the want might be, but a want is merely a want.

How sure are you that that's your BFF's real objection? There is not only the possibility that she(?) might have, shall we say, designs upon you or any F-directed impulses you might experience. She might be annoyed that you don't yourself present as bisexual. Given no universally accepted standard, people who choose a label generally choose what they think works best, hence all the rounders, and your BFF could be motivated by annoyance that you don't round up to bi.

You seem to have acted with fair concern for everyone else involved. The consent seems reasonably fully informed. It might be a grey area if you explicitly knew your boyfriend would get off on it and kept quiet about that, as some people might draw the line at participating in the arousal of a third party. Not everyone will like it, but then one isn't obliged to tell a BFF everything.
77
@75 - Yes, there is a Tyra aura, isn't there? I suppose, putting it into another setting, I could see Miss Elliot (Elizabeth) indulging in questionable intimacies with Mrs Clay in an attempt (however unsuccessful) to entice her cousin, Mr Elliot. And then there are Lydia Bennet and the Miss Steeles who would not think twice. I'd suggest Kitty Bennet as the fence-sitter who might or might not.
78
vennominon, jenesasquatch, drizzle-"I kissed a girl"-69, (sorry, couldn't resist... :)

Okay, breaking my rules again, venn, but here is something interesting: At my son's school, he says there is wide acceptance of girls who identify as lesbian or bi, in fact, they are given whatever the Facebook equivalent of a "high five" is on their status, yet he says there is only one "out" boy he knows of, even though, obviously, there are a lot more. I would say the population of his school is "affluent/uni educated parents" as far as demographics go. So, it's now okay for girls, perhaps because guys think two girls together are "hot" (porn influence?) but two guys together are still taboo? Wonder how this compares to other schools?
79
Kim, yes, I agree! I thought it was a banner week on SL!
(and fwiw, my daughter had a t-shirt that says "Drama Queen" using the Dairy Queen logo...her grandmother and I thought it was much funnier than she did... :)
80
What's the point of the term heteroflexible? Obfuscation? Why not just say Bi? A man who is sexually attracted to other men is not straight/straight-identified. He is either bi or gay, or something else (pan-sexual?). A straight man is sexually attracted to women. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man liking both men and women sexually, but let's not be obtuse.
81
Canuck,
I just loved that we bourgeois ladies had virtual hook ups. And, I can think up some things to do with a bargepole and cotton rope...

T-shirt sounds cute, my two favorite say "Urinal Gum" (it's a lit. mag.) and "Vigantic" (from a Storm Large song) they are great to wear when flying (I often have to be patted down and it gives the TSA something to break the ice). I'd totally wear "Drama Queen", but "Drama King" would be better so I could tell them how much fun dressing in drag is. I like making them smile.

Okay, I'm going to go shake my moneymaker, these hips need to mooove. I have my physicians approval for belly dancing, but not for Latin yet. Le sigh.

ciao!
82
@78 - Ms Canuck, this seems pretty low on the scale, maybe about a 2 at highest. It's very indirect and non-specific.

Then phenomenon you report doesn't seem to be much of an outlier, though I suppose it might be different in certain localities. Teens do seem quite jargon-familiar at present; they are much more ready than they were in days past to proclaim ownership of some particular fetish or other at very young ages. And boys, from what I've seen, might have a disproportionate amount of the extremes when it comes to coming out experiences.

My guess might be that the harem mentality is still basically one-way. To straight boys, who are still at the top of the food chain with all their privilege, if one girl is good, two are better. They have not yet reached the Jimmy Beck stage at which an MM pairing means two women going spare but an FF pairing means two men going without. Straight girls, maturing faster, might catch on more quickly and be ready to encourage a reduction in competition. Then, too, as their approval carries less force, they somehow seem to end up writing Naruto/Sasuke slash. They wouldn't want to be slore-shamed if they took it any farther.

I hope the school in question does not suffer from an epidemic of fauxbians. Once they achieve their lifelong ambition of an appearance on Tyra, what is there for them to do with the rest of their lives? Then again, I suppose I have considerable sympathy for fauxbianphobes.
83
Oh, from what I hear, vennominon, a lot of the girl on girl action is between straight girls, it's a "trend," I'm told (the fauxbians of whom you speak), but as for the other, I don't know, I'd suspect "real," but with a hint o' the drama. I hadn't even considered the reduction of available females as a negative for the straight boys...hmm. Fauxbian or not, it seems the girl action is seen as "cool," as two girls can roll around on a bed on Glee and no one comments the next day, yet Kurt and Blaine have a minor peck and it's fodder for the cable news shows...

Kim, I love your shirt sayings! And I think a hip-swaying dance that would be low on the aggravating scale would be the merengue, that's next on my list of things to try...
84
@68 thanks for pointing me in the right direction... your story is really moving. I'm glad you've found support here from so many people.
85
drizzle89@73, are you maybe playing up the horror of your BFF? Did she really say kissing a consenting girl was "a horrible thing to do", even with full disclosure to your boyfriend, and disclosure to the girl that you had a boyfriend? If so, maybe you already know that your BFF is prone to exaggeration? Anyway, for what it's worth, I don't think anyone in United States except your BFF would be horrified by your kiss.

@80 - for me, "heteroflexible" means that I'm not sexually or romantically interested in women, but I don't mind women hitting on me, and sometimes I have sex with them if they are charming. Feels more awkward than hot to me, so far, but I'm game to keep trying. Never fantasize about other women, though. Oh, I fantasize about chicks with dicks sometimes. Got that from my husband.
86
@84 Azul
Thank you. The support I have received overwhelms me. And thank you for being a good sport about my silly sense of humor above.
87
@85 EricaP
Interesting. Perhaps with my delicate features, some strap-on boobs, and a wig....Hmm, just when I though there was no place left to go in the Forest of WayOutThere.
88
@74 - Mr J, I'm sorry I missed this one.

Homocentric August had its origins over in Prudieland when there would be frequent speculation over unspecified details in the letters. During the winter, a little discussion about whether certain repsonses and comments were better described as heterosexist or heterocentric, and a bit of speculation about changes in automatic cues (most notably around the word "married"), when I eventually got into a mood of being fed up with the presumption of universal and universally desirable heterosexuality, gave me the idea that it might be fun to flip it for a period of time. Eventually I settled on a month and chose August. For that month, I shall presume universal homosexuality and the general acceptance of the desirability of the same.

Now, as most of the people of my acquaintance I already know to be "admitted" heterosexuals, it's not going to be as complete a flip as it could be, although I suppose I meet more strangers in August than other months. I have been practising my vocabulary, to be ready for a variety of situations, though I suspect it will be mainly put into practice on line. But I am going to be much nicer than many heterocentric people, always ready to make it explicitly clear that I have always been an ally of the heterosexual community (or bisexual people in opposite-sex relationships) and have never opposed any of their rights.

If it goes well, I might consider Bicentric February, but that seems to carry a few more logistical difficulties.
89
@87, were it not for your oft-declared fidelity to your wife, I'd already have done you, dear, so don't dress up with strap-on boobs, or not for me anyway.

@88, I think we should just assume everyone is indiscriminately lusting after (and pining for) people of every gender, as well as objects of all kinds. Not that it's any of our business, of course.
90
Ms Canuck - It comes from my co-favourite episode of Cracker, "One Day a Lemming Will Fly". Fitz and the Neanderthal DS Beck are put up in a hotel suite with their uncharged suspect, when Jimmy explains why he doesn't mind queers as long as you don't turn your back on them.

I shall content myself with hoping that the fauxbians stick to their own kind for their little PDAs rather than perhaps getting hopes up in girls with genuine FF inclinations. Others who have more severe things to say may well do so.
91
Ms Erica, I quite agree, if we were starting from scratch. To get there from here, though, maybe a little nudge will help.

When I'm in a completely serious mood, I suspect that it will mainly see application in my writing a number of creative comments over at Slate. In part it may prove an interesting exercise just to see how consistently I can pull it off.
92
I love Cracker, vennominon! And jenesasquatch, I think while you've meandered down a footpath, there are still glades and ravines to explore in the Forest of WayOutThere... :)

...says someone who surveys the forest from the window of a Starbucks... :-P
93
I cannot imagine strap-on boobs. Clearly I need to get out more. I just thought one would use prosthetics, Kleenex, or chicken cutlets in a debilitating plunge bra.

You all make me smile.
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@92 ...while perusing gay porn on her laptop.
95
OMG - Cracker. Best show ever. Robbie Coltrane is amazing. But why do I have to stick to my own kind? If a hot girl wants to make out with me at a bar, am I really to turn her down just because I'm more attracted to androgynous boys? As long as we put on a good show, how closely do our personal preferences as far as fantasy material have to match up with our kissing partners?
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@94 ....oh yeah, that too, but of course!!
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Ms Canuck - hurrah! I don't know why, but I am just now getting the weirdest image of Fitz, Judith and Penhaligon on that somewhat gruesome new GSN show Love Triangle. And in keeping with the spirit of my recent posts, I wonder whether Love Triangle will branch out from M/FF and F/MM triangles.
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Canuck, Sorry this is late. I recommend the meringue. I really like the samba and the salsa. Lovely bunda and abdominal action. :)

Happy hiking, jenesasquatch. :)
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@89 EricaP
In theory they would be for Mr. P, but I'll be the first to admit I have not the slightest idea of how one goes about being a "chick with dick." Surely one doesn't just dress up as I so glibly suggested.

My thinking went more to the issue of solving a puzzle I have long pondered: how would it be possible for me to be in a three way with a woman and a man? Women evoke masculine feelings in me and men evoke feminine feelings. It has never worked when I've tried to imagine both at the same time. The only thing that comes close is the idea of serving a D/s couple. Somehow that seems to free me from gender altogether. I would be objectified, subservient to both.

Fidelity is only one of the roadblocks but that's quibbling I suppose. One dealbreaker will suffice.
100
Hi Kim! Keep that smile going.
101
vennominon....Oh, that Penhaligon...I always wanted to undo that stuffy braid of hers...(she did have a braid, didn't she? I haven't watched in ages...) And in strange but true coincidences, I wear Penhaligon's Artemisia perfume, ha! I love your August idea. I find with the volunteer work I do, everyone speaks in gender/orientation-neutral terms, it's "partner this" and "significant other that" so that I really have no idea about anyone's orientation...I was surprised when one of the women I work with finally referred to her boyfriend, I thought "Really? That's just so...huh."