SL Letter of the Day: Boner's Little Helper


Not entirely unreasonable, but you don't want to feel like you can't get it up without the pill unless you really can't get it up without the pill. Not that I have an objection to viagra, but that shit (even generic from overseas) gets expensive.

so i hear
Cialis is the bomb. Just don't take a whole one.
Did Dan really neglect to suggest masturbating with a condom to FLACID?

And this guy seriously jumped at taking pills, side-effects and all (they don't work by doing nothing to your body systems, dude!) before trying to practice by himself?

"ten coats of Sears weather-beater"

I snickered.
@3: "Did Dan really neglect to suggest masturbating with a condom to FLACID?

And this guy seriously jumped at taking pills, side-effects and all (they don't work by doing nothing to your body systems, dude!) before trying to practice by himself?"

And? You seem to be confusing erectile dysfunction with being a premature ejactulator.
@5: no, masterbating with a condom is one recommended treatment for guys who lose their erection with a condom. They have to condition their minds/cocks to associate condoms with pleasure.

Cialis and Viagra attack specific *physical* problems. The will not help with a mental problem beyond a placebo effect (which can be quite powerful).

Just eat one of the supposed aphrodisiac foods. All the placebo, none of the expense or side effects.
Ahem. Female condoms. Also pricey, I grant you, but prescription and side-effect free.
@ 5

If it is ED, then a diagnosis and prescription from a DOCTOR would be involved.

Both of these guys sound like they have self-diagnosed, and they had not problems sans-condom, so it's obviously not a problem then.

If they tried masturbating with a condom on, it could help them with their issue. Why not try that first, before going the self-prescribed-pharmaceutical route?
As the owner of a vagina, I am frankly terrified of someone fucking me with a hard-on that can withstand "ten coats of Sears weather-beater." You may feel great about it, dude, but your sex partner may not.
@9: " The point still stands. You have a PROBLEM, we have a PILL."

What's your point? The problem comes when we've got pills with no actual problems behind them.
11, as yet another owner of a vagina, i can attest that i much prefer a hardon to a softon while engaging in secks. just sayin'.
Jesus Christ, you people are the worst.

@3 - he's happy, so who gives a shit?
@6 - he's happy, so who gives a shit?
@7 - are you taking stupid pills, or just the placebo? He's wearing a condom, therefore he's not getting enough of the usual sensation.
@8 - for relatively young, healthy men with no history of heart disease or stroke, the risks are about on par with masturbating for several hours.
@9 - dear god, shut up you stupid, stupid hippies (and I wonder how lost on you is the irony of quoting that song) So I suppose you don't drink, smoke, imbibe any beverage or food with caffeine, and abstain from sugar? I'd rather put out my eyes than fuck you.
@10 - and the doctor wouldn't prescribe it if he thought the risks were too high. Try, just try training with a condom until you can come in a reasonable amount of time. It's grueling, I tell ya.
@11 - so I suppose you'd rather it be limp? You realize just because he's harder than usual doesn't mean he's going to be fucking you harder? I mean Jesus, can't do no right by you people.
no no no. It's not all-or-nothing. It's that sometimes a guy is so hard, and so able to withstand stimulation without coming, that the fucking is over-the-top hard.

Now, if this particular hard-on is just a rock-solid hard on that can, indeed, come within some sort of reasonable time frame (say, an hour of full-on flesh to flesh contact with said hard-on)? Ok, great. I'm in like Flynn.
@14: "so I suppose you'd rather it be limp? You realize just because he's harder than usual doesn't mean he's going to be fucking you harder? I mean Jesus, can't do no right by you people."

I think she assumes that it's going to be fully shellacked or some such? It seems odd to be fine with plastic and silicone, but to be frightened of a boner.
@15: Hmm? Why would being harder make it more difficult to come?
16 is right. It's the "shellacked" comment that has me scared. Sometimes things that decrease sensitivity backfire.
Hm... I've recommended masturbating with condoms before. Spaced it this week. Sorry! Pot!
Everyone looks down their nose at pills but they can help get you over the hump, so to speak. Taking one boner pill or anti anxiety pill or what ever pill doesn't mean your going to be taking them for the rest of your life. And don't act like its an easy decision either. No one would be saying a word if he were smoking pot to loosen up for anal.
@19 You didn't bother to share with the rest of us, Dan?

A friend told me her husband's dick was so hard after taking Viagra it was painful for her.
I had the exact same experience. Cialis most definitely does work for mental problems - It takes that halfie that you have when you're horny but nervous and turns it into something you can put a condom on, have a girl you just met clumsily fiddle with, and still manage to get inside her. And, incidentally, you can last longer, if that's a problem (often was for me in that situation which seems contradictory - and always made me feel even worse. With half a cialis in me, I can keep the stimulation much more gentle (to me that is) and not worry about going soft. Without it, with someone new, I had to keep the stimulation very intense all the time, which leads to some short sessions.
@ 19 - so, is that how life works? If you get famous enough, you can admit to smoking pot, & you don't get busted..? *sigh* I need to get more serious about this writing, thing...

Practice masturbating w/ a condom BEFORE popping the pills. Definitely agree. But don't say no to a little pill helper for a time or two, as long as it doesn't become something you need too often.
Try investing in some decent thin rubbers. Seriously, makes all the difference.
This would be a great opportunity to address misconceptions about men's sexuality - that penises aren't always rock-hard, that no matter how into you he is, the hydraulics may not be perfect and that condom technique should be practiced more, not less. If more people knew that, it would go a long way towards more mature and informed understandings about sex for everyone (and maybe be a stepping stone towards more realistic expectations of women too).

Sure, it's a lot more work than popping a pill and feeling like a porn star for an evening, but using the easy fix only adds to the problem.

And remember, kids: masturbation won't make you go blind, but Cialis might.
This is helpful to read. I dated a guy who was in his mid-30's and didn't want to use a condom. It seemed like he sometimes had trouble keeping it up. I thought maybe he wasn't all that attracted to me or maybe that he was being selfish or disrespectful by asking to go bareback. He was really overweight and I know that can cause health problems that affect erections. Maybe he wasn't as much of an asshole as I thought- could be he didn't want to admit what was really going on b/c it was embarassing.
#7, Cialis can actually help when it's a psychological issue. As a urologist told us: It can give a guy a "boost" while he works things out. If used for this purpose, though, it shouldn't be necessary to use the drug long-term.
I'm surprised no one has recommended this yet, but I would deny your body from an orgasm for a while. No masturbation, no nothing. Do something else with your time for about a week. After a while, your body will be craving one so bad that your mental state will matter a little bit less. Your body will just want to do whatever it takes to pop its cork.

Because of a mental block, I had a lot of trouble coming in the presence of another person when I first started having sex and this worked like a charm for me. Your body wants to shoot its load and denying it might help your cause.
There are some really effective herbal viagra substitutes out there.

I know everyone says this....but it's rarely ever been a problem for me. But I'm 50, so you never know. And when I want to insure I have a plate crushing boner then I just use one of these.

I have no relationship with either company, but I've tried ME-36 and Hard 69 (or at least I think that's the name. It is a red pill in packaging that very closely resembles Jack Daniels.

They provide the same bounce but with none of the adverse side effects.

just MHO.
"break-a-plate boner" : snerk!
@ 31

I've never used herbal viagra substitutes (for starters, no penis!) but most herbal medicines have the same active ingredients as synthetic ones, with slightly less active ingredient control. You might find fewer side effects if you use the non-herbal option...

I definitely found this with sleeping pills, which was when I started looking into it.
Yeah, #33, and there's also the matter of unpredictable or undesireable inactive ingredients. Herbal supplements are much less regulated than prescription drugs.
About once a year, I get in a boner-funk. One or two nights of my cock not doing what I want it to do quickly compounds into a horrible pile of disappointment. I get anxious about not getting/keeping it up, and, as we all know by now, that anxiety immediately kills the boner.

So, I got a prescription for viagra/cialis. I don't depend on it like #1 feared. I literally use it about once a year. Having sex one time without worrying about keeping it up (and actually feeling a little like a porn star) is all it takes to reset my confidence.

Having said that, I don't think this is the way to go for FLACID, who doesn't have a boner problem, but a condom problem. I wouldn't want to have to use these (expensive) drugs every time I wanted to put a condom on. Masturbating with condoms is the way to go, I think.
I'm with those who have some reservations about using medication. ED meds are meant to fix physical problems not psychological ones which is FLACID's problem. The issue I see with using ED meds is that it can become a crutch, a way to deal with the symptom and not the underlying problem so that he becomes reliant on a drug that can have serious side effects. I'm a huge fan of modern medicine and think ED medications improve the quality of like for guys with ED due to physical causes.

Masturbating with a condom on, having his girlfriend masturbate or blow him with a condom on, spending the little bit extra for thinner condoms (in particular try the newer ultrathin non-latex condoms, if he has a mild latex sensitivity that might be just irritating enough to wilt him without being a noticeable reaction), no orgasms for a bit to build up the horniness level, etc. should probably all be tried before drugs,
I just wanted to write a bit about my experience with Viagra as a 28 year old with sexual difficulties, just in case someone is in the same position. I had trouble staying hard before sex with my first girlfriend at age 27. It was purely psychological since if I had clothes on it was no problem to achieve an erection. But when it got more hot and heavy if you will, I was simply overwhelmed. It was awful. I got a prescription for viagra and it still didn't work. I stopped taking it after a four or five times. I clearly have issues with sex, intimacy, all that jazz (I was in therapy for a couple years before I felt comfortable dating) and all I can say is talk about with your partner, assure her/him that it's your issue, that you find them sex. Take it slow. Hey, blowjobs are fun for me now (receiving them) and I don't worry about staying hard. Sex is still difficult. Whatever your reason for having problems, what matters is that you find someone you're comfortable with, who's willing to work through it. Try Viagra/Cialis if you think it'll help. Sorry if this is too long.
mmmmm..... pills for everything....
I had the boner goes away when the condom comes out problem for a bit. Here is how I solved it. I masturbated while wearing a condom. That fixed it.
I am 49 and started using Viagra for similar reasons. I had trouble maintaining an erection while putting on a condom and sometimes while not using one. I can get an erection very easily, but have trouble maintaining it through long foreplay. I have very low blood pressure normally and cycle a lot. Viagra has certainly helped. A half tablet was too much for me, and I dropped to a quarter. Now I am using smaller pieces.

I also think I had lost some sensitivity to masturbation. I have stopped masturbating as well to help with these problems. Seems to be working. I have always been able to go for long times during intercourse, which many women like, however I would like to be able to orgasm a little easier.

In the end I would like to get back to regular operating specifications.
@34: "Herbal supplements are much less regulated than prescription drugs."

Herbal supplements AREN'T regulated.
#33 and #34.

You're probably right. I'm not in anyway a medical professional. Just relating my personal experience.
Hard-ons are great, but some of the best sex I've had was with a guy who couldn't keep it up. He used it when he could, otherwise he got creative. Just sayin.
I have no more problems with a guy occasionally taking a quarter of a Cialis than I do with a woman who needs the occasional squirt of Slippery Stuff. What's wrong with having a little bit of help along the way?

Now, if you can't EVER have sex without the pill, then you need more of a heart-to-heart with your doc, and potentially with a counselor. But as we get older/more stressed/have illnesses/distractions, etc., sometimes our bodies betray our best intentions. Ask any perimenopausal woman who'd still like to get it on but suddenly finds herself dry as sandpaper.
@43: "some of the best sex I've had was with a guy who couldn't keep it up. He used it when he could, otherwise he got creative. Just sayin."

I'm sure that's some consolation to the guy, but why not examine other options?