Slog Oct 28, 2011 9:15 AM

People Who Live In Massachusetts Are Big Fucking Sex Crazed Slut Monsters and Their Creepy Erections, Slutty Vaginas, Freaky Accents, and Parked Cars Are Totally Grossing Out the Good People of Sanford, Maine

by Dan Savage

Comments

1
Being from Massachusetts is a choice, and there is hope for change.
MacCrocodile on October 28, 2011 at 9:23 AM · Report this
2
The word "Massachusetts" totally looks like a penis.
rob! on October 28, 2011 at 9:25 AM · Report this
3
I want to live in a world where being a vice cop or a being child molester are right about on the same level in terms of respectable occupations.
Rhizome on October 28, 2011 at 9:33 AM · Report this
4
“After the first couple of events, we started getting reports of hanky-panky going on there,” Connolly said. “My objective from the beginning was to see if any criminal laws were being broken. People might not like what they’re doing, but if it’s a protected right under the First Amendment, you have to be very careful before you trample on someone’s rights.”

Huh, well apparently that went right out the window.
Lumpmoose on October 28, 2011 at 9:35 AM · Report this
5
love that dirty water!
faceupandsing on October 28, 2011 at 9:39 AM · Report this
6
@4

Nah. He said it at the end.

He has to be very careful BEFORE trampling on someone's rights.

Gotta go through all the procedure first.
Arsenic7 on October 28, 2011 at 9:42 AM · Report this
7
"hanky-panky" -- that's adorable! They're gonna have an attack of the vapors when they see all the hanky-panky that takes place on the internet.
Irena on October 28, 2011 at 9:53 AM · Report this
8
Considering the Stoddens got kicked out of the pumpkin patch for kissing and wearing short shorts...

But did anyone speak to their civil rights?
Supreme Ruler Of The Universe on October 28, 2011 at 9:54 AM · Report this
9
As a resident of southern Maine, I'm just wondering how on earth I had never heard about this club before!
catsnbanjos on October 28, 2011 at 10:06 AM · Report this
10
The right to peaceably assemble has been denied by bluenose assholes.
Vince on October 28, 2011 at 10:08 AM · Report this
11
@8: Hooking up on your own private property != hooking up on someone else's private property.
venomlash on October 28, 2011 at 10:10 AM · Report this
12
They were right to bust this vile place up. That sort of behavior is what the public parks and restrooms are for.
Catalina Vel-DuRay on October 28, 2011 at 10:11 AM · Report this
13
I think maybe I'll move to Massachusetts.
catballou on October 28, 2011 at 10:11 AM · Report this
14
Freaking the mundanes...
Urgutha Forka on October 28, 2011 at 10:14 AM · Report this
15
To those of you who insist that there's no such thing as wasted tax dollars, I introduce this as Exhibit A.
Fifty-Two-Eighty on October 28, 2011 at 10:25 AM · Report this
16
Speaking as a Massachusetts native, we prefer to be called Massholes.
bigyaz on October 28, 2011 at 10:29 AM · Report this
17
I can't believe they let in single men! That's just asking for trouble.

I wonder where the party will move to now? Maybe a Masonic Temple?
Lance Thrustwell on October 28, 2011 at 10:38 AM · Report this
18
The only clear answer is to BAN ALL SEX. Maybe Santorum will do that.
very bad homo on October 28, 2011 at 10:56 AM · Report this
19
darn Jr if only you had a Mac you could go "≠"...

see?

≠.

cool, huy?

≠ ≠ ≠ ≠≠≠≠≠ ≠ ≠ ≠ ≠ ≠ ≠ ≠ ≠ ≠

but you'd have to be cool to have a Mac and do cool stuff like "≠".....

on October 28, 2011 at 11:14 AM · Report this
20
Danny you do realize this is how we spread the AIDS?

silly question.......
on October 28, 2011 at 11:16 AM · Report this
21
Danny do you think anonymous one night stand sex is responsible?
on October 28, 2011 at 11:19 AM · Report this
22
Aww, I'm such a proud Masshole right now!

But I'm definitely disappointed I didn't know this club existed. Then again, the T doesn't go to Maine.

I laughed at the "Freaky Accents" bit, though. Ever hear a down-east accent?! Now THAT is a weird one.
Crimson41 on October 28, 2011 at 11:28 AM · Report this
23
Those of us from Massachusetts live for grossing out vice cops. :-)

Corylea on October 28, 2011 at 11:30 AM · Report this
24
And the payoff: “We’re hoping the owners of the building will ask the tenant to leave,” Connolly said. “Because it’s obviously not a healthy activity and it’s not what the people of Sanford want in their town.”

It sounds like it's what several Sanfordites want in their town. And where was the harm to anyone not in attendance? Oh yeah, there wasn't any.
clashfan on October 28, 2011 at 11:31 AM · Report this
25
I especially like the part about the "number and variety of sexual acts". How dare they!
puddles on October 28, 2011 at 11:34 AM · Report this
26
@16: Damn right we do. And most of us don't need to drive to Maine to stick it in a Masshole, dammit. We do it right here! Where's their hometown pride, dammit?
NateMan on October 28, 2011 at 11:51 AM · Report this
27
@16, Thanks. I'm sure I'll need that term this Sunday.
Jamie in Pittsburgh on October 28, 2011 at 11:55 AM · Report this
28
Ay, ay @16!

Love,
Somerville Ho
(I lived across from the hospital on the corner of Highland and Lowell for years and they never did replace the S-P-I-T-A-L)
RatGirl on October 28, 2011 at 11:56 AM · Report this
29
@5 FTW!
gavastik on October 28, 2011 at 12:26 PM · Report this
30
@3 Well, that would depend on how vice was defined, wouldn't it? I could totally support vice cops that went after rapists, religious nutjobs abusing children in their care, gay bashers & racists... but they just don't seem to...
BEG on October 28, 2011 at 12:27 PM · Report this
31
Being originally from Maine, and dating someone from Massachusetts, I'm very glad that I moved to Seattle, where when he comes to visit, we can have opposite-sex sex without it being a scandal. Seriously though, the Portland Press Herald is the filthiest republican piece-of-shit newspaper I've ever encountered; not everyone in the area is really that concerned about sex happening in the general vicinity of a library...
ebd on October 28, 2011 at 1:24 PM · Report this
32
@19:
i.amSorry();
if(you.getOS()!=OS.Macintosh && you.getOS()==OS.Windows){
you.setComputerKnowledge(getComputerKnowledge().push
_back(ComputerKnowledge.KnowledgeOfCoding));
you.setStatus("Not a hopeless dweeb.");
} else {
you.fuckOff("newfag");
cout<<"≠"<<endl;
}
venomlash on October 28, 2011 at 1:49 PM · Report this
33
@32 Geek humor... gotta love it!
Brooklyn Reader on October 28, 2011 at 2:20 PM · Report this
34
Indeed, Dan, as you point out, the logics of the police in this situation is impeccable. A stellar case of doing the stupid thing.

This looks so much like the kind of thing Stephen Colbert or Jon Stewart should talk about in their shows. I hope someone sends them the story.
ankylosaur on October 28, 2011 at 4:15 PM · Report this
35
The bigger problem here seems to be that it was a venue that served food and was open for non-sex parties during other times. I'm all for swinger parties and if this had been in a private residence or a venue that was only used for the parties I'd be against it being shut down. However since it was being held in a hall that could be rented by anyone and we have no idea how good their post-party cleaning is I'm pretty okay with it being shut down. Of course the local media is going to sensationalize it but most people here in Maine are more squicked by it being a venue that served food to the public at other times being used for a swinger party.
Noadi on October 28, 2011 at 6:26 PM · Report this
36
And the caterers gave in:

http://www.pressherald.com/news/Sanford-…
clashfan on October 28, 2011 at 8:44 PM · Report this
37
Wonder if the undercover cops chose to "get in character" ;)
dropdeadpoet on October 28, 2011 at 9:32 PM · Report this
38
Hanky-panky reminds me of *Rumpole and the Judge's Elbow* and how poor, clueless Guthrie Feathersone didn't know what "something of the other" was.
vennominon on October 28, 2011 at 9:33 PM · Report this
39
Danny do you think anonymous one night stand sex is responsible?
on October 29, 2011 at 3:49 AM · Report this
40
At least that business will now stay in Massachusetts where it belongs. We need to do everything we can to keep our state economy strong! Thank you, Maine, for sending business our way.
Marrena on October 29, 2011 at 4:30 AM · Report this
41
Jeez! I went to my first BDSM club last month and it was hella deep undercover, here in Oklahoma. Too bad.

It only cost $10 and some snacks to get in.
Gamebird on October 29, 2011 at 8:11 AM · Report this
42
@35: "but most people here in Maine are more squicked by it being a venue that served food to the public at other times being used for a swinger party."

Uh, we are? First I've heard of it.

There was a follow-up article a day or two later quoting someone (sociology professor, perhaps? I don't remember) who commented that swinging and voyeurism aren't really all that far out there as fetishes go. But it sort of got missed in all the shouting by the morality police.
Devoted on October 29, 2011 at 9:47 AM · Report this
44
@43, I dunno . . . I live in Oregon, and there's no limit on sexually oriented businesses here--no more than other types of business, I mean. I believe there's some limit on what strippers can do on stage, if in a place where they serve alcohol, but I think that's it. In terms of zoning, nada.

Part of Oregon's freedom of speech laws.
clashfan on October 29, 2011 at 10:40 AM · Report this
45
As a Sanford Maine native I must say its not really that close to the library....also the food there wasn't very good, now I know how they stayed in business.
on October 29, 2011 at 2:38 PM · Report this
46
I think I just figured something out about people I know who live in southern Maine and in Massachusetts. It would explain a lot, and it would be an awful coincidence if they hadn't been involved with this place. My head is spinning a little.

Small world.
Prettybetsy on October 29, 2011 at 4:59 PM · Report this
47
Danny do you think anonymous one night stand sex is responsible?

.

Its a relavent question.

.

Don't be a chickenshit coward pussy.....
on October 29, 2011 at 10:05 PM · Report this
48
@32 - Marry me!
Cloudgazer on October 30, 2011 at 8:10 AM · Report this
49
From the article: "Participants ... also could get $5 off the admission fee if they brought a gift for a home-bound senior citizen."

They're even donating to a worthwhile charitable cause. That's a pretty thoughtful sex club!

on October 30, 2011 at 8:56 AM · Report this
50
@47: How is it relevant? The sex in this club was, by all lines of evidence, not anonymous.
venomlash on October 30, 2011 at 10:40 AM · Report this
51
@50
That troll just wants Dan's attention so he can attempt an awkward hatefuck with Dan.
Free Busch On Tuesday on October 30, 2011 at 4:24 PM · Report this
52
As a native of Vermont's curmudgeonly upside-down twin, I recognize this for what it is: standard anti-tourism bias. If you can't blame Massholes, then New Yorkers are the fallback.
Angry Sam on October 31, 2011 at 11:24 PM · Report this
53
Would the legal situation be different if it was a club rather than a business?
James Hutchings on November 1, 2011 at 4:56 AM · Report this