The Oscars Have Been Cancelled

Comments

1
I thought Billy Crystal was dead? Or hoped he was.
2
Really? Dang.
3
I think they should just dig up Bob Hope's coffin and put it on the stage and have everyone stare at it for ten minutes between each award.
4
Well, he's better than Letterman was....
5
Oh, geez. They thought I was wrong when I said no more comedians. Well, that is, if you think Crystal is a comedian.
He's more like a bad caricature of himself. Why do the Oscars seek irrelevancy? I think they're ashamed.
6
Is there anyone in the world Paul actually likes?
7
Did he have forehead-enhancement surgery, or is that the worst-chosen toupee ever?
8
Come on, Paul, give him a break. It's a last minute thing. No one else has the time to drop what they are scheduled to do and host. I agree that Billy is getting a little long in the tooth, but I can't be critical since he is a last minute replacement. It's too late to try to get the Muppets in there and do it right. Everyone else of any caliber probably isn't available.

And yeah, he's better than Letterman...

Let's give Billy a chance...and rip him a new one if he screws it up.
9
All you Crystal-haters should go watch "When Harry Met Sally", "Running Scared", and "Throw Momma From the Train" and report back. MOVE!
10
Not surprised. After last year's James Franco debacle (and I say this as a huge James Franco fanboy, but he suuuucked as a host), and after the Brett Ratner non-appology and Eddie Murphy bailing, they picked someone safe. Billy Crystal certainly isn't my first choice, but he knows the drill, he's mildly funny, he's non-controversial. No, he won't get anyone excited about the Oscars, but he won't offend anyone either.

Maybe next year they can take a risk again.
11
@9, I'd add to that list "Soap," where Billy Crystal played one of the first openly gay characters on TV ever, and he was hilarious at it.
12
I think Lindsey Lohan should do it.
13
I got no hate for Billy.
14
@9, don't get me wrong, I adore all three of those. (And for some reason "Running Scared" is a genuine favorite of mine, I think because of its chase-through-Chicago aspects.) But he's not exactly what Edith Massey would call "aw coorant".
15
@#9,with all due respect to your suggestion that we should watch movies Crystal made when he was funny, you should watch Mr. Saturday Night, a movie about comedy that he not only starred in, but also wrote and directed. For best effect, watch this drearily unfunny movie the way I did: on the VHS rental release. In that format, before the abomination got truly underway, there was a short introduction from Mr. Crystal informing the viewers that the movie was dreadful, that he knew the movie was dreadful, he was very sorry, it was all the studio's fault, they'd forced him to cut from the film a couple of truly hilarious scenes that really brought the whole thing together - and if we stuck around after the end credits we could see these scenes, and get a true appreciation for Crystal's genius. I watched the whole damn tape, to my eternal shame, and saw those clips. They were easily the worst, least funny things on a tape that had plenty of strong contenders for the title.

I guess I'm saying: Young Billy Crystal was capable of being funny, when others instructed him in how to do it. More recent Billy Crystal, and certainly Billy Crystal in control of his own show, and for damn sure Billy Crystal the last few times he hosted the Oscars is about as painfully unfunny as we could imagine. If we can't have funny, let's replace it with Dignified - not with Unfunny.
16
I can almost understand hating Bil Keane (although I can't really get behind tap dancing on the fresh grave of a goddamn cartoonist just because you didn't share his sense of humor), but what's with the Billy Crystal hate?

Do you honestly expect the Oscars™ to try to appeal to you personally? Go see a local comedy show if you want edgy.
17
I was trying to get Ellen Barkin to do them, but she's up for an award, sadly.
18
@12 for the Playboy win.
19
I'll bet you will watch, Paul. You will watch and then you will post about it.
20
Not classy of Eddie Murphy to bail, especially after he's already been on every talk show promoting himself as the host. That being said, I think he came to his senses. He was being way over-hyped as the genius stand-up that would revive the Oscar's after last year's sad display and return the hosting position to its great comedy roots, despite the fact he hasn't done stand-up in, what, 25 years? The bar of expectations is lower for Billy, which isn't a bad thing.
21
@ 14, your last sentence made me laugh.
22
Billy is a professional. He can be expected to do an acceptable job on short notice, he's not going to make waves and he knows how to read a teleprompter. At this point that is probably the only thing the producers care about. The whole stupid "who is going to host the Oscars" thing is bullshit anyway.
23
Oh boy, I can't wait for him to do jokes about baseball and perform Borscht Belt shtick!
24
Eddie Murphy? Tell me the last time he was funny.
25
What the hell's wrong with you lately, Constant? You get possessed by the spirit of Andy Rooney? Complain complain complain. (Except you're a little more venomous about it.)
26
Jackie Mason is only a decade older than Crystal; why not get him? Or Rodney Dangerfield, is he still alive?
27
@25 For.The.Win.

Take a happy pill or rub one out once in a while...you miserable POS. You are a one-note writer. Bitch, bitch, bitch.

28
WTF?? Billy Crystal is awesome !
29
I bet he kills. I haven't seen him a decade, though. I hope my weed doesn't make me single-focused on how he's aged.
30
He was awesome in This Is Spinal Tap.
31
of course i was hoping against hope for ricky gervais.. yeah.. i know.. fat fuckin chance..
..and speaking of fat fuckin chances.. does this mean no bruce vilanch either..( for this , i went to bible school ? )
32
You know something, dahling? That's Just Maaaaahvelous.

33
I love you Riz.
34
For me, the cancellation has been lifted. I would not have watched if Eddie Murphy had been the MC. Billy Crystal I'll watch.
35
you have to be a pretty big fucking loser to spend 4 hours of your life watching a bunch of rich assholes blow each other in LA. Fuck the Oscars and whoever hosts them. I'd rather pound nails into my fingers.
36
@DOUG.

Mime is money!
37
they should have gotten alec baldwin!
38
O.k., I'll give you this. I remember the last time Crystal hosted because of the funny thing he said that had me chuckling for years, yes years, after. It was the year that some Oscar statues went missing and Erica Baidu was getting an Oscar or something and she had this big African hat on and , just off-the-cuff, Billy says "We found one of the missing Oscars under Erica Baidu's hat!" Now, that cracked me up. It really made me guffaw and snort. So, o.k., maybe Crystal is an alright choice.
39
I have no problem with Billy being the host - the show is a drag anyway & his bits have been funnier than anything else on the snoozefest.

But, who would you pick? First the person has to be 'safe' Gervais is not getting the call because all those fragile egos might get bruised. Letterman killed it for the talk show guys - although of that group only Leno could do worse. So come on, tell us who the golden child is that the Academy would actually allow & we would all give a slack-jawed "WOW!" because they are such a great idea nobody ever thought of hosting.
40
@14, it's unfortunate that Edith Massey isn't still alive to host the Oscars.
41
@ 37 - Good idea! He'd be great.. Maybe he was busy that weekend?

But, I think we're all losing sight of the only real true reason to watch the Oscars........

THE DRESSES!!
42
@26 I just checked... Don Rickles is still alive.