Rick Santorum doesn't just hate the gays and our all-recreational, all-the-time sex lives. He hates recreational straight sex too!

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Santorum restated his position on birth control yesterday: Santorum believes contraception should be illegal, that states should be able to ban it, and, if elected president, Santorum has pledged to "completely defund" federal funding for contraception. Birth control has "dangers," says Santorum, because "it’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be."

Things, according to Rick, is supposed to be like this.

I think Newt Gingrich should debate Rick Santorum about contraception because Newt's third wife—that would be Callista "Devout Catholic" Gingrich—was using contraception, in contravention of the Catholic Church's teachings, for the six long years that Callista "Devout Catholic" Gingrich was Newt's mistress. Callista, a devout Catholic, was a young, single, and presumably fertile congressional aide in the 1990s. Then she met and started fucking the shit out of Speaker of the House. We don't know what prompted Callista, a devout Catholic, to fuck the shit married-to-someone-else man for six long years, but we do know that it was love of country that prompted Newt to fuck the shit out of Callista—or perhaps Newt doesn't know that "country" is spelled with an "o"?—at the same time that Newt was impeaching Bill Clinton for cheating on Hillary. Knowing what we know now, of course, it seems possible that the history of the 1990s would be very different if Bill Clinton had had the decency to cheat on Hillary with a devout Catholic girl like Callista, instead of a nice Jewish girl like Monica.

Anyway!

Newt fucked the shit out of Callista for six long years—starting when she was in her mid-twenties—and Callista doesn't have any children to show for all that doughboyin'. Callista must have been using birth control, despite the "devout Catholic" thing, and Rick Santorum thinks that kind of sex—contracepted sex—is dangerous and should be illegal.

I'd say that calls for a Stinkin'-Dumbass-style Debate!