One of my ovulating cousins lives in Arizona and is horrified that she can now be declared pregnant for sex she hasn't even enjoyed yet, thanks to the work of Governor Jan Brewer (and other state officials), who calls the new state law a "common sense" approach to protecting the rights of future hypothetical fetuses.

Okay. Fine. But I think if Jan Brewer can preemptively declare Arizona women pregnant (ghost fetuses!), it's only fair that Arizona women have the authority to preemptively declare her dead. Obviously, I'm not advocating that someone kill Jan Brewer or that she off herself (although she's also considering allowing guns in government buildings, also foolish), just that some good Samaritan draw up Jan Brewer's death certificate, date it today, and notarize that shit. Fuck, pre-date it two weeks ago and this ridiculous, time traveling abortion law wouldn't have a spider-veined leg to stand on!

After all, Brewer is destined to die, eventually. And wouldn't it be better for the entire state of Arizona (the women-loving part, especially) if it happened sooner rather than later?