You need read this piece.
I took a breath, let it out. I hate this part, I said to myself, possibly aloud. And then, definitely aloud: âI have herpes.â
Silence. The word had to be chased with something.
âBut before you freak out,â I said as casually as I could, âlet me tell you about it.â
âThe transmission risks are tiny,â I started, and they are: about 2-4 percent from woman to man, depending on condom use. My risks are likely even lower; I got genital herpes from oral sex, and HSV-1 is even harder to transmit to a partnerâs genital region. âAnd one in four or five people have it, even though most people donât know since a standard STI test doesnât test for it,â I said.
Silence. Wasnât this dirty talk?
âItâs much harder for a woman to give it to a man, and to my knowledge, Iâve never given it to anyone,â I finished.
Go read the whole thing. Trust me. Right now. Everyone with herpes, everyone without it, and everyone with it who doesn't know itâeveryoneâneeds to go read this piece. The concluding paragraphâand my thoughts about itâafter the jump. (Via Sullivan.)
The piece ends with this:
In a world full of infinite partner choices, herpes had narrowed mine to the understanding, the open minded, the risk takers. I am now confined to partners who think my awesomeness eclipses my cellular flaw â so instead of killing my love life, herpes has weirdly deepened it.
I've said this for years to my friends with HIV: When you disclose your HIV status you're telling the dude one thing he needs to know about youâand the way the dude reacts tells you everything you need to know about him. Disclosing an STI can help a person find good, kind, considerate and thoughtful partners in a pile that includes so many unkind, paranoid, irrational and phobic assholes. It's a superpower.