Slog Jun 13, 2012 4:18 PM

Hoping This Is a Hoax

by Dan Savage

Comments

1
Any idiot knows Macbooks are the gayest notebooks. Give him a Dell if you want to straighten him out.

"OK son, here's your new Retina Macbook Pro, now no fooling around with dudes"

"Sure thing dad, this chunk of metal and glass completely relieves my desire for big throbbing cock"
brandon on June 13, 2012 at 4:30 PM · Report this
2
It is better than the old-fashion beat downs I got from dear old dad.
Granny Smith on June 13, 2012 at 4:34 PM · Report this
3
Well this has to be the most offensive thing of the year
Seattle14 on June 13, 2012 at 4:34 PM · Report this
4
Better to bribe your kid into staying in the closet than beating him back into the closed. Boy won't dad be surprised in a few years when he finds out the bribe didn't last past his son's 18th birthday.
SeattleKim on June 13, 2012 at 4:36 PM · Report this
5
I'm hoping this kid is really just a smooth operator and knows exactly what he's doing, and that he's counting the minutes until he's 18. If not...this is awful.
sahara29 on June 13, 2012 at 4:40 PM · Report this
6
Ask Dad if he can "reward" you with out-of-state tuition.
Proteus on June 13, 2012 at 4:41 PM · Report this
7
Holy FUCK.
Hannah in Portland on June 13, 2012 at 4:41 PM · Report this
8
I hope that kid milks the deal for all it's worth. Then he can show his boyfriends all his shiny toys in the future.
erikdsteel on June 13, 2012 at 4:42 PM · Report this
9
What makes this seem hoaxiest is that not even the dumbest homophobe would think for a moment he might need to tell any backstory whatsoever to sell a good condition MBP. Garden variety jerkweed in his mom's basement making up a phony ad to troll for outraged replies.
gloomy gus on June 13, 2012 at 4:42 PM · Report this
10
Yeah, I think the out of state tuition is the bribe to go for, myself. Gah.
BEG on June 13, 2012 at 4:43 PM · Report this
11
Wait...you are buying your son an instrument used mainly to look at porn and coordinate hookups...sorry I meant do homework...yeah yeah...it's for homework. wink wink nudge nudge
runningwoof on June 13, 2012 at 4:44 PM · Report this
12
I am on board with hopefully bilking the bigoted parents if this is real. Good call on the out of state tuition.
Spike1382 on June 13, 2012 at 4:47 PM · Report this
13
@9: Well, yeah, duh.

But why let that ruin a good post about an apparently outrageous craigslist ad?

Rather than a new computer, he should go for bigger-ticket, "straighter" rewards that hold their value - a Corvette and lots of guns. All very resellable once he turns 18 and want to put the proceeds into a Saab or Prius and into decorating his out-of-state dorm room.
DAVIDinKENAI on June 13, 2012 at 4:47 PM · Report this
14
It's only sinful to lie with man as you would a woman, not to furiously jerk it to hot man-on-man action online. Really, it's a service.

(For anyone making the obvious Onan rebuttal: Onan's sin was in wasting seed that was destined for procreation, which clearly none of his son's seed is destined for)
redemma on June 13, 2012 at 4:49 PM · Report this
15
That kid is a genius and he is totally fooling his dad into buying him shit.lmao Good job, kid. Your dad is a terrible person and awful parent and I'm glad the kid is clearly emptying his pockets.
dakoneko on June 13, 2012 at 4:51 PM · Report this
16
Um, are they gonna get him the Pro with a *retina* display?

Because for that I might go straight.

Straight to the HD gay porn!
delta35 on June 13, 2012 at 4:55 PM · Report this
17
I am unfortunately not shocked by either possibility:
1. Legit ad from a completely clueless parent.
2. Cynical troll with the creativity to come up with this.

Both are horrible.
SPG on June 13, 2012 at 4:57 PM · Report this
18
I'm hoping it's this guy: http://dontevenreply.com/

He's hilarious...
Nhaven1 on June 13, 2012 at 5:14 PM · Report this
19
Hahahahahaha I hope his kid uses his brand new laptop to watch oodles of gay porn with gigantic, throbbing gay cocks.

But seriously, spoiling his kid is the least of this dad's worries.
icouldliveinhope on June 13, 2012 at 5:29 PM · Report this
20
Seems spendy to me ... maybe a scaled-down example of the "I paid $1,500 for this computer six years ago, so I'm willing to let it go for only $1,000" syndrome in effect.

Wish my dad had bought me porn machines to get me to stop doing the things he didn't want me doing. Which was mostly looking at naked lady pictures.
aureolaborealis on June 13, 2012 at 5:38 PM · Report this
21
Logical side: This is like the $500 cookie recipe, driving traffic to an otherwise perfectly boring ad. There is no reason the ad need say anything beyond "Macbook Pro, $1300 firm. Works great; looking to upgrade." I'm not even my family's techie and I know you sell the old machine AFTER copying your files onto the new one, not to clear space for a machine you're going to get in a few months.

Fun side: Okay Mom, if you buy me a computer with a faster internet connection I promise to only do straight stuff with it. The internet turned me straight!
IPJ on June 13, 2012 at 5:46 PM · Report this
22
Kid should hold out for a new BMW...nothing gay about wanting a new 3 series! Nope, the most hetro car on the road.
Cato the Younger Younger on June 13, 2012 at 5:55 PM · Report this
23
Culver City is in Los Angeles.

Los Angeles -- where even homophobic parents would know better than to to outright troll bait like that.

Might think it, might do it. Not likely to announce it on Craig's List.

Not in L.A.
judybrowni on June 13, 2012 at 6:08 PM · Report this
24
Well, this is the type of thing you would expect from a person who lives in Culver City. It's (how should I say it?) the inside elbow of the LA Basin. The armpits would be the cities of Vernon and Maywood, and the crotch would be (of course) Lynwood/Compton.
Approaching 40 in LA on June 13, 2012 at 6:14 PM · Report this
25
Agree with @15. That kid is going to be the gayest, most tech-decked-out student at his private college.
I Hate Screen Names on June 13, 2012 at 6:35 PM · Report this
26
Huh, trolling Craigslist. How much fun can it be if you don't get to watch your bait spawn public outrage?
wingedkat on June 13, 2012 at 7:11 PM · Report this
27
This is why we...can have nice things...?
aaronbrethorst on June 13, 2012 at 7:11 PM · Report this
28
I've known people who "went straight" for MIT tuition, for a Miata, for a Land Rover, and even for emancipated status. Milk it, kid. Heh heh. Milk it.
beccoid on June 13, 2012 at 7:21 PM · Report this
29
@8 Yes. All 856,924 of his boyfriends. Because he's a masturbatory retard, just like everyone else with a piece of meat dangling between their thighs. Exactly.
Brandon Arkell on June 13, 2012 at 7:52 PM · Report this
30
Oh please. This is the fakest thing in faketown. Probably a way to collect email addresses of the terminally naive and/or outraged.
Catalina Vel-DuRay on June 13, 2012 at 8:00 PM · Report this
31
It's probably a hoax. Why would a paranoid, overprotective mother of any stripe blast her son's private business all over Craigslist, ESPECIALLY if she thought it was shameful? Some drama hog is getting off on this.
DRF on June 13, 2012 at 8:15 PM · Report this
32
Putting homophobic, stupid parents at ease until you bilk them for a college tuition AND getting new apple products every year? Sign me up.
Torchy Blane on June 13, 2012 at 8:39 PM · Report this
33
While Culver City is in greater LA, there's no guarantee any place is going to be particularly gay friendly. You would expect an overall higher level of awareness and general acceptance in LA versus many places in the midwest, but just as you'll find perfectly good pockets of places in the midwest, you will find intolerant places in LA too. I weigh in as an LA native.
BEG on June 13, 2012 at 11:22 PM · Report this
34
Trooooooooooooolllllllll!!!
NT on June 13, 2012 at 11:51 PM · Report this
35
@26 But you DO get to watch it. On slog, for example. Probably also on other pages that post responses.

And I agree with everyone else who says this is a hoax. If the story was true, the parent would be keeping it secret.
Sketch on June 14, 2012 at 1:01 AM · Report this
36
Sounds like a win-win for the kid. He keeps on gayin, and gets a new computer!
kukl on June 14, 2012 at 1:06 AM · Report this
38
May not be a hoax:

http://talkaboutequality.wordpress.com/2…
Charles Maguro on June 14, 2012 at 3:15 AM · Report this
39
On one hand,

* Culver City is immediately south of West Hollywood (the Gayest area of LA, right)?
* On the other hand, Culver City is in LA (the crazy and delusional capital of the USA, right)?
AND
* Houses in LA are so big and separate, that all kinds of crazy could "co-exist" in that city without even realizing it.
doloresdaphne on June 14, 2012 at 4:41 AM · Report this
40
So the son is gay, and they punish him by giving him 15 inches?

Didn't I see this in a porn once?
Sili on June 14, 2012 at 5:17 AM · Report this
41
Oh man, I am laughing and crying at the same time! That is some hilariously stupid shit right there. If it weren't for the kid involved this would be one of the funniest things I have ever seen on the Internet. But (if this is on the level and there is a real young man with a dad like this out there) it is one of the saddest things I have seen in a while.
frankdawg on June 14, 2012 at 5:38 AM · Report this
42
Next, hit him up for a BMW and a trip to Europe for your birthday. Then after you graduate, introduce your new Spanish boyfriend, Milo, to dear old dad. And then thank him for the trip to Europe, without which you wouldn't have had hours and hours of gay sex.
The fag on June 14, 2012 at 6:10 AM · Report this
43
Either a hoax or a kid who figured out how to game his stupid parents for free stuff.

Although it is odd that they would expect lots of messages about spoiling the kid, but not for the homophobia/idiocy. Probably a hoax.
Theodore Gorath on June 14, 2012 at 6:15 AM · Report this
44
JCPenny, Danny's favorite Gayest retailer, has lost a third of its value this year and has suspended its dividend.

cum on, girls- shop till you drop!
on June 14, 2012 at 6:16 AM · Report this
45
He is totally milking dad for new stuff. I'd love to see dad's face when Junior comes out and gives an armload of expensive stuff to his boyfriend.
woof on June 14, 2012 at 7:20 AM · Report this
46
While I have to go with Hoax on this one, there is the cynical part of me that recognizes that there really are people this stupid out there, so you never know. Even if this is a hoax, there is probably some parent somewhere out there who actually has done something like this, but just not posted about it in a craigslist ad.
Fortunate on June 14, 2012 at 7:40 AM · Report this
47
Daddy is being taken for a ride. But, hey, if everybody is happy, what the hell.
Vince on June 14, 2012 at 8:10 AM · Report this
48
Damn it! I'm 29 and my parents LOVE, Love, love my boyfriend. Think it's too late to work this scam? I really need some new stuff.
LukeJoe on June 14, 2012 at 9:55 AM · Report this
49
Funny, I thought the same thing watching the new Apple products video: "Who's dick do I have to suck to get one of those?"
debug on June 14, 2012 at 10:03 AM · Report this
50
@39

Have you ever been to LA? All of your bullet points are pretty far off. Culver City is also the least "LA" part of LA. (and technically, not part of LA, but it's own city.)
Frank Rizzo on June 14, 2012 at 10:40 AM · Report this
51
Hey Dan,

It's a hoax - I've been talking to the high school kid who did it for half the day.

http://talkaboutequality.wordpress.com/2…
JamieMcG on June 14, 2012 at 12:03 PM · Report this
52
Actually, I hope its true, and I hope that the kid is smart enough to realize that he should not feel one instant of shame for taking his bigoted parents to the cleaners. Then the red hot minute he turns 18 or no longer needs their money, he should be like "thanks for putting me through med school... and by the way, I'm still totally gay."
MinnySota on June 14, 2012 at 2:56 PM · Report this
53
@9 While it has turned out to be a hoax, I think you're overestimating the intelligence of the average human. If people all had sense, then conversion therapy wouldn't exist. I can totally see where a stupid parent would try to convert their kid's sexual orientation with money/gifts if religion wasn't working.

I know people who cannot add three and four without a calculator. I know people who work in accounting departments but don't know what the word "cumulative" means. Seriously, people are stupid. You may not see it, because intellectuals tend to hang out with other intellectuals, but trust me. People stupid enough to try to bribe their kids into being straight actually do exist. (Not saying this has actually happened, just that there are people who are stupid enough to try it.)
DarthKelly on June 14, 2012 at 10:11 PM · Report this
54
@50.

No I haven't been to LA.
doloresdaphne on June 15, 2012 at 4:54 AM · Report this
55
Dan, are you shopping for a computer?
Pip Hellion on June 15, 2012 at 11:02 AM · Report this
56
told ya,

i live in l,a, and while there are certainly pockets of homophobia here, i knew from the way it was written, it had to be a hoax.
judybrowni on June 15, 2012 at 7:43 PM · Report this
57
Holy shit, I hope this is real, and that kid is the fucking smartest kid in America.
gormster on June 23, 2012 at 8:03 PM · Report this