I am a late-20s professional, who is comfortably single, with the occasional tryst when the opportunity arises. I have always considered myself straight; while I was in my teens there was absolutely no question as to my sexual preference. As I've grown older, I have tried to make a point to periodically stop and entertain the thought of me being with another man just in case my deeply religious upbringing has somehow inhibited my natural appetites. Recently, I caught myself doing something that makes me question myself, and an outside opinion would be greatly appreciated. Quite simply, I was checking out a man's ass. There wasn't anything sexual about it in my mind, I was simply admiring his fitness... and to be honest, it was a REALLY nice ass. With some reflection, I have been doing this for some time (admiring a fit male physique). Is it just how comfortable I am with my sexuality, or do I need to question the ease with which I can drink in a locker room?
Questionably Comfortable
My response after the jump...
Lust doesnât tiptoe upon the creaking floors of conscious awareness, QC, so if you really wanted that ass in a way that would satiate your religiously unadulterated ânatural appetite,â youâd probably be aware of it. And by âitâ I mean your throbbing, pants-bursting erection acting as a palpable divining rod for male bootie. To be honest, as a gay man Iâve always struggled to understand sexual orientation-confusion in men for precisely this reasonâeither youâre getting a hard-on when youâre checking out hot guys, or youâre not. Yes, there are certainly degrees of penile tumescence and the occasional source-error complications (such as becoming aroused by a woman only to realizeâoopsâitâs a man), but if you have any gay tendencies, your penis would have broken that salacious news to you a long, long time ago.
Iâve no reason to doubt that your religious parents diligently constructed a parapet of sexual guilt, moral intolerance and homophobia around your boyhood brain and that this could have prevented you from dabbling in things that might have been informative to you. But for gay or bisexual men, even the most wrathful, fiery homophobic sermons will fall on the deaf ears of their erect penis once that honest organ is attuned to a hot guy in their visual field. Keep in mind that sexual experimentation is by no means necessary for a gay person to know that theyâre gay. Donât forget, gay men were virgins once too, and most of us knew we wanted to be with guys long before we ever were, just like straight teenage boys know that they want to fuck girls without ever having fucked one of those lovely creatures before.
For bisexuals, this could admittedly be more complicated, particularly if you subscribe to a Kinsey-type sliding scale of sexual orientation, in which there are relative degrees of homo- and heterosexuality (you can take a quick-and-dirty version of the Kinsey test here). If youâre a male who scores at, say, the Kinsey level â2â this would mean that you have some homoerotic tendencies but youâre more aroused by females. And you could indeed be hovering around that particular mark, given your self-description.
The next time youâre in the locker room with Mr. Hot Assâand by all means, allow yourself the anxiolytic luxury of mild intoxication if youâre seriously concerned that your religious alter ego is somehow masking your ârealâ desiresâtake notice of what your very own Mr. Penis is doing. Iâm going to give you a formula to work with. Itâs not bulletproof, but in my experience itâs been pretty helpful. If Mr. Penis is flaccid, youâre straight as an arrow; if heâs somewhat amused, youâre on the bisexual scale and; if heâs suddenly ragingly rigid, youâre anywhere from a Kinsey 3 to Kinsey 6.
And hereâs another way for us to solve this erotic puzzle of yours. If in this, the year of our Lord 2012, you can honestly report that youâve never, ever, not even once, deliberately jacked off to gay porn online and obtained an orgasm in doing so, thatâs another really good sign that youâre probably as heterosexual as heterosexual gets.
It sounds like you spend a lot of time in the gym; if youâre working on your physique, this will inevitably lead you to compare other menâs bodies with your own. My hunch is that you simply notice and appreciate good-looking, fit guys the same way that I canât help but enjoy, say, Jessica Gomes without wanting to debauch her. That is to say, the visual aesthetic of beauty and form is orthogonal to sexual desire. I appreciate the sentiment, though, QC. You actually remind me of my best (and very straight) friend from high school, who, on my coming out to him ten years later, responded with sincerity and humanity, I think, âYou were my best friend. Iâd have let you suck my dick if it made you happy.â