Dear Stephen Malkmus,

I hear that you and your band* played Ege Bamyasi in its entirety in Cologne last week. So, I'm just dying to know:

Were you there in 1968? Were you there at the first Can show in Cologne?

Are you losing your edge to the drunk sixteen-year-old kids whose footsteps you hear on your roof?

Are you losing your edge to the internet seekers who can tell you every member of Pavement, the Silver Jews, and the Jicks?

Are you losing your edge to all the kids from Tokyo and Berlin? (Of course you are. You live in Berlin now, don't you?)

Are you losing your edge to the art-school Brooklynites with "sunset nostalgia" for your unremembered 1989 EP Slay Tracks?

Were you there in 2000 at the Kim's Bedroom exhibition in a museum in the Netherlands?

Were you there when David Berman started up his first band? Did you tell him, "Don't do it that way; you'll never make a dime"?

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