We're observing Slog silence from now until 11 a.m. while we have an editorial meeting, but look—we made an entire paper's worth of stuff for you! Here's what Amber Braun has to say.

It is so hard for any small-business owner to get a foothold in this terrible economy. Why muddy the waters with unnecessary bad press, too? We at the Watz Brewin' Coffee Company (on 45th in Wallingford, just west of I-5!) would like to express our dismay at ANNA MINARD's heartless heckling of a local small businessman trying to do right by his employees and his city. Watz Brewin' Coffee Company stands with Cherry Street Coffee owner Ali Ghambari's original position in this matter.

In fact, Ghambari didn't go far enough. He placed signs on all Cherry Street registers explaining that his business would have to add a 1.5 percent surcharge to pay for employee sick time, which is a new requirement in the city of Seattle. And Minard lambasted the poor man for it! Maybe she would like to visit Watz Brewin' (seriously, you could throw a rock from the intersection of 45th and I-5 and hit our front door! Stop by and visit sometime!) to see what a reasonable response to Seattle's nanny state looks like.

In addition to a 1.5 percent sick-time surcharge, we also add a 10-cent hand-washing fee to every item handled by employees. Did you know that you are supposed to sing "Happy Birthday" twice to yourself every time you wash your hands to ensure maximum cleanliness? That's anywhere between 20 and 25 seconds per hand-washing session, which can total anywhere from three to five minutes of wasted time per eight-hour shift!

And that's not including our 20-cent recycling fee (those recycle bins don't clean themselves), our 1 percent OSHA surcharge (it's unreasonable to expect businesspeople to carry the burden of all those regulatory hassles), and the flat nickel-per-drink charge that covers the state's ridiculous requirement that every employee get 15 minutes of paid "break" time for every four hours they work. I'm surprised the mayor doesn't hire city officials to just wander around from storefront to storefront, dipping their hands right into the cash register and taking out money as they please!

Minard's antibusiness screed isn't much of a surprise, though. Everything about The Stranger seems devoted to killing small businesses. GOLDY, with his push for still more taxes in this state, won't be happy until every entrepreneur is drummed out of business. The only thing "regressive" about Washington's tax structure is that it requires local heroes of small business to live like cavemen. We're losing the roofs over our heads!

But The Stranger doesn't care that I can't afford to send my kids to private school anymore. Instead, they send MEGAN SELING to rave about a chain pizza restaurant as the week's big review. I'd ask her to consider a review of Watz Brewin's delicious panini sandwiches—best in Wallingford!—but Seling would probably wind up praising the Starbucks next door for the adorable way they call out all their customers by name. You can't win with these creeps. You just can't win.