Adopt a Cardinal

Comments

1
And then do they get a card saying that a Cardinal has been adopted in their name? The Jewish equivalent might be that "A tree has been planted in Israel in your name" that I always got instead of real gifts when I was a kid. I would so love to do this instead of giving birthday gifts.
Do I have to feed my adopted cardinal, send him to school, or dry clan his fancy cassock? If he doesn't vote for my pope choice, do I ground him? Tell him I'm not angry, just very . . . disappointed in him?
2
You know the baby boomers are old when candidates for Pope are now being drawn from their ranks.
3
Can gay partners adopt cardinals? If so, can they get joint custody?
4
Can I make him work for free and beat him if he under performs - like the Magdalene sisters?? I want TWO!!
5
That's all I need is another mouth to feed.... my penis.
6
Cañizares is sometimes known by his nickname of "Little Ratzinger,"[2] referring to the similar beliefs and opinions between him and Benedict XVI, born Joseph Ratzinger, who himself is aware of and "very amused by this expression."[3]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antonio_Ca%…
7
Do they come with complimentary lube?
8
Remember folks, a cardinal is for life, not just for conclave.
9
Aw, congratulations, Dan! He's adorable.
10
For only $2500 a day you can keep a cardinal in the manner to which he is accustomed.
11
I'm a man, and 1 Timothy 2:11-15.

There, I just won every argument with every Christian woman in existence.

Now shut up and breed like you're told.

Of course, there is a way out . . .
12
When this shit appeared in my inbox--I got stuck with some minor Slovene baby-raper--why didn't I immediately guess who was behind it? So to speak.

Dear Bill Savage,
Congratulations!
You have adopted this Cardinal:
Franc Rodé CM, from Slovenia, born 1934-9-23.
He's been a Cardinal since 2006-3-24 and his function is: Prefect emeritus of the Congregation for Institutes of Consecrated Life and Societies of Apostolic Life
May the prayer for your Cardinal be deeply blessed.
The team behind adoptacardinal.org

13
PLEASE DO NOT HECKLE THE CARDINALS.

Write to them seriously or leave them alone. If you heckle them they will ignore you—and the concerns of real-life liberal Catholics who'd like to see a Pope from the twenty-first century (but would settle for twentieth)!
14
Wait.

I did this and I got a Met.

So, when will they elect Dan as Pope? Or, failing that, Steven Colbert?
15
Dear Enda Booty,
Congratulations!
You have adopted this Cardinal:
Christoph Schönborn OP, from Austria, born 1945-1-22.
He's been a Cardinal since 1998-2-21 and his function is: Archbishop of Vienna, Austria
May the prayer for your Cardinal be deeply blessed.
16
"I've been adopting cardinals for my friends all morning. Surprise your friends by adopting cardinals for them!" Sort of like Mormon proxy baptism. Isn't religion wonderful?
17
Be responsible - be sure to have your Cardinal spayed or neutered.
18
My Cardinal (some guy from Brazil) looks like Hugo Chavez, but at least he's got a huge grin in the photo I was sent. I want the next pope to be a smiley happy pope and not one of those miserable constipated old goats they keep picking.
19
A miserable constipated old goat picked the Cardinals so they would keep picking old goats in the future.
20
Can we adopt Dan?
21
If I find my cardinal to have behavior problems am I allowed to stick him on a plane to Russia?
22
@21: no, you have to pray away the bad.
23
There must be a way to nominate Silvio Berlusconi. Who does he have to bribe to get the position?
24
Dan, I just wanna know... what are you praying FOR?