Dear family I nannied for: Thank you for firing me. Seriously. Because if you hadn't fired me for having my husband bring over a pizza (which he paid for with his own money) and our dog (which your kids love) for some Sunday night fetch, you probably would have fired me for some other ridiculous reason, like forgetting to polish the bars on the windows or neglecting to arm the land mines in the front yard after it got dark.

Just so you know: (1) I was GOING OUT OF MY WAY to do something nice for your children. I have worked with literally thousands of kids over the past 10 years, and not a single one of them has died or been raped or kidnapped while under my care. (2) I didn't invite a stranger into your house; I invited my husband of 10 years. Thanks for your faith in my taste in men. Clearly, I married him because he is a drunk, violent, murderous pedophile. (3) If you really think that I "betrayed your trust" and "invaded your home," then I truly feel sorry for you. You must live in a world so full of paranoia that you cannot sleep. If the bogeyman doesn't kill you, the stress certainly will...

Read the whole thing here.