Originally published May 12, 2005:

I am a white, 21-year-old lesbian girl. My mom thought my room was too messy recently and went in to clean it. She found my "goodie bag," and it contains some pretty darn good goodies. Pot, pipes, a leather harness, assorted vibrators, etc. It also contained my stash of big-black-cock-on-teenage-white-girl DVDs. I may have made peace long ago with my odd fetish (nothing illegal, no one underage), but my mother was scandalized. She has loved me for many years as her lesbian daughter and this was too much for her to take. She says she "doesn't know me anymore." How do I deal with my mother?

Lesbian Utterly Stumped Today

My response after the jump...

How do you deal with your mom, LUST? First you say, "Jesus Christ, mom! Stay the fuck out of my room!" She wasn't dusting the inside of your goodie bag, LUST, she was snooping, and I've got a message for your mom and all other snoopers out there: When a snooper learns something disturbing about a snoopee, the snooper has only herself to blame. If your mom absolutely insists on discussing your taste in pornography, assure her that a significant percentage of lesbians enjoy watching hetero porn, and 100 percent of lesbians absolutely hate discussing the subject with their mothers. If she presses you on the subject, start asking her intrusive, inappropriate questions about her sexual tastes.

And finally, LUST, you're not a child. You're a big grownup dyke who's into big-black-cock-on-little-legal-white-girl porn. Maybe it's time to move yourself, your goodie bag, and your DVD collection out of your mother's house.