I Blame Jesus! (For the Debt-Ceiling Crisis)

Comments

1
Horrifying. Between this and learning how much time Scalia spends fearing Satan, today has been very creepy indeed.
2
In Eurpope in the 1890s there was a wave of this the world will come end in 1900. We went through another wave of it pre-2000. The dooms-dayers are a little slow to figure out it is'nt coming this time either. They seem to be getting more and more all in instead of moving on. Sad.
3
This sort of thing really makes me want the rapture thing to be true. Please, God, if there is a God, take these guys off so we can have our fun and our universal healthcare.

Of course, if Bachman, Scalia and Boehner disappear into the void someday, we won't have to look for their kidnapper, right? We can just shrug our shoulders and say it was the rapture?
4
Believing in End Times should disqualify you from participating in government planning. She can bunker down with Marcus and wait for her biblical fantasy, but lease the rest of the country out of it.
5
This also applies to the environment.

6
butt! butt! Danny said we were skipping to Gommorah!!

is getting our hopes up for naught?
7
how can the teabaggers destroy the full faith and credit of the United States government?

the government collects 20X the amount due on the debt.

what. is Obama going to forget to mail the check?

assholes.
8
You obviously cannot govern yourselves: why not sell off your states on Baidu and eBay to solve your debt crisis? You'll be left with inland states nobody wants and a government surplus. Win for the world/win for the Teabaggers.
9
This would explain a lot. Reminds me of a co-worker who said she doesn't recycle because she believes the world is going to end soon because Jesus is coming. That was 20 years ago. Apparently he's running a little late.
10
My sister told me that Jesus came back and looked around and said that things weren't bad enough, so no end for us!
11
Every time Bachmann speaks, I see and smell the watery diarrhea coming out of her mouth. But when I read her say that she has "a tremendous love for Israel, and great admiration for the Israeli people," I just want to lend her my toothbrush, give her a big hug, and then dutifully bash her head against the famous Jerusalem Wall.
http://tcjewfolk.com/michele-bachmann-is…
12
So this isn't a fake story from The Onion?

Good grief. What a brainless moron.
13
@4: Exactly. Why are we putting people who *don't believe there is a future* in charge of planning our future? IT MAKES NO SENSE.
14
Someone really needs to go interview her 20-40 kids. What the hell was going on in that home when she was running that foster care scam?
15
Considering how many times Christians have wrongly assumed that the end times were upon them, you would think they would hedge their bets.
16
Malachi 2:3
17
I remember when Jesus said "Thou Must Serve the Pharisees and Buy Their Goods, and Squeeze The Poor Until They Bleedest"

for this is the Word of the Lamb with the sharp fangs

(seriously, are they KIDDING about being Christians?)
18
What the FUCK is a Maranatha? Was she "speaking in tongues" for just one word?
19
I thought the "end of days" at the Stranger was every time someone looks cross-eyed at that fucking pussy D. Holden.
20
Scrawny, I had to google it. It's an Aramaic phrase from the Bible that MAY mean either "The Lord has come," past tense, or "Come (down), Lord!" as a command. I think you know which one she means.
21
You know what would be fun? Let's do a Truman Show-type simulation where one of these End Timers is elected President and in charge of nuclear weapons. I'm curious what would happen.
22
@20
I didn't have to, but I did. Googling the etymology of the word Scrawny didn't prove that fascinating. It's a variation of the Old Norse word scranny/scranel - meaning thin, lean, or to shrivel.
24
@20 It's also a brand of high end nut butters. No pun intended.
25
That bitch is crazy.
26
There are no secular TeaPartiers.
27
@3: there is no such thing as the Rapture (well, not in the pre-tribulation "end times" sense.) It's not mentioned anywhere in the Bible. When the end-timers talk about the now-you-see-them-now-you-don't Rapture, they refer to a con that was developed and popularized by the John Nelson Darby and the Plymouth Bretheren sect in the 1830s. It has no biblical basis at all. The verses they cite (usually in Matthew and Daniel) refer to something entirely different, and would be a worthy subject for a SLOG bible study.
28
Where ever they go, Christians stir it up and destroy it. I got your manifest destiny right here! Jesus on a stick, I'd like to see these people water boarded.
29
@23

I think we all know that the Bibles we read aren't the Unabridged version. Well in that one, it took Jesus a few times to turn the water into wine. He tried in front of the Cana guests at first and completely flopped. So he called a few of his disciples Fonzie-style "Yo, into my office" and they all snuck around back to the bathroom. There he tried again for the water/wine thing, and they all knew instantly he fucked up again. The disciples were like, "WTF?" especially Thomas. So Jesus said That's it, I'm going on the shitter. And he sat there praying to God, praying how devastatingly important that he pull off this miracle trick for the bride and groom. He sat there and started to grunt, and he continued grunting. Finally he could feel it, a turd was coming through. And when that turd escaped his butthole, just as it began its splash into the uriny water, the other water, the water that the guests back in the dining hall were drinking, turned into the finest Columbia Crest ever did know known to humankinded.
30
Goldy is 100% right. I was raised on that shit: My Sunday school was a constant hysterical stream of "666, The Beast, Revelation, The Devil, The Anti-Christ, The Whore of Babylon, Satan, Satan!, SATAN!, SATAN!!!". They showed us that stupid Orson Welles special about Nostradamus and told the world was going to end in the dark future year of 1994.

There really is a kind of Nihilism at the heart of Protestant Evangelicalism.
31
@24.. made me laugh.
32
Mmmmm. Nut butter.
33

K33p whistling.

We're pulling the rug out from under the bully boys.
34
@24, huh-huh, you said "nut butters".
35
Rejoicing at the prospect of the end of the world is a thing supervillains do in all the awful movies, comics and cartoons. The good guy is never the one screaming "yay, yay, the end is here".

Seriously, I understand that we can't have a religious test to get someone into office, but can we at least have a Bond villain test?
36
Bachmann is just another Harold Camping.
37
@35 I'd watch that movie about a fundamentalist Christian, millennialist superhero. It would be funny.
38
They've been bottom feeding on fear for fourteen hundred years. "The end is here!" is their way of herding mindless sheeples.
39
#2: That didn't just happen in Europe. Millennialism and apocalyptic thinking was huge in the nineteenth century United States. In fact, I'd argue that this a recurring theme in US history.
40
Nut butter is a condiment for tea-bagging, perhaps?

Yet again, reality is weirder than you could imagine.
41
Listening to Bachmann speak, she sounds like she should be in front of a limited congregation, not speaking in front of the fucking nation.
42
my SIL's mom is an end-times nut case. she's been turning down a free 3-week trip to the south of france every year for 20+ years because "something is coming". she's never had a job to speak of. she belongs to this organization: http://www.eth-s.org/

these people never grew out of their childhood fears. they have no place in government.
43
@42: As someone who went to a school called ETHS, that offends me.
44
Let's hope it's at least End Times for her political career.