Today in Asking the Barber If You Need a Haircut


Hmm, I think I know who the "devourer" is who's been eating up all her money.
I knew a mormon guy from college who was married with three kids and was collecting food stamps and welfare (or whatever it's called now) because he was dirt poor. And he still voted republican and still voted against any measure to increase benefits for families and for the poor, because his church told him to vote that way. He also still tithed 10% of his welfare income to the church.
My grandmother gave devotedly to the 700 Club for years. She got her little pins and baubles every year for her faithful donations. Then one yea, my mother fell very ill and my grandmother stepped in to cover the expenses. She received a call not long after from the 700 Club. The woman cordially inquired about the whereabouts of my grandmother's checks, as she had been so supportive over the years. My grandmother explained that her funds (not even a tithe, mind you) were going to support her daughter. The woman on the other line paused, then very authoritatively stated, "Well! If you want your daughter to get better you should donate TWICE as much this year."

My grandmother, to her credit, never donated to them again.
"Be thou not a dill-hole." Jesus said it. Or if he didn't, he sure as shit meant it.

Players gonna play. Chumps gonna pay.
Somebody loves their money more than they love the Lord. I wonder who that is?
So basically, if you were truly devout, your husband wouldn't be sick. If you weren't a woman, you wouldn't have been raped. I you weren't (fill in ethnicity) we wouldn't have hanged you. If you weren't a child, that priest/pastor/scout leader/coach wouldn't have molested you. Witches float, pious believers sink. All I know is I gotta get paid. Pimpin' ain't easy. The insufferable hubris of these people is pure crap.
From the devourer's own mouth to this woman's ears.
Jesus was not delusional, but lots of His followers are!
News flash: God's not going to heal you.
News flash #2: Pat Robertson is not on good terms with God. You'd be better off in the eyes of the Lord spending all your money on crack cocaine and giving it to babies.
@11 One of the only reasons to wish the God of Pat Robertson's imagination actually exists is to imagine the look on old Pat's face when his Maker says "I do not know you," just before casting him down into the lake of fire.
"I tithe faithfully, but now I'm struggling with money" "Reject the premise! If you tithed faithfully, you wouldn't have money problems! Tithe more!"

I like how he just calls her a liar and doesn't answer the question.
The 10% tithe is simply insufficient to rebuke a Devourer in 2013. The going rate, thanks to sin-flation, the Affordable Cure Act and ever-increasing divine rebuking costs (the Devourers are now unionized), the Bronze level is now around 15% to ensure a minimal rebuking of one's ailments (financial or medical). Unfortunately, in her case, she will have to make up several years of back-rebukement tithes to get her account up to balance before any further rebuking will commence. Luckily they no longer can be denied a rebuking of their Devourer due to previously existing conditions.
@14 - You didn't say "single-prayer healthcare" and I commend you for that.
Both @14 and @15 are my new favorite commenter.
@4: Why do dragons need gold? They're dragons! Or maybe they're imaginary and we just think they would like to have lots of useless shiny things for some odd reason?