Slog Bible Study: Ezekiel 23:8

Comments

1
Money shots did not arise with cameras.
2
Moral: once you've make it with a black, you never go back.
3
But were they hung like donkeys with the appropriate amount of cum? Ezekiel 23:20
4
KJV: Neither left she her whoredoms brought from Egypt: for in her youth they lay with her, and they bruised the breasts of her virginity, and poured their whoredom upon her.

You're welcome.
5
@ 4, I thought you were dead.
6
Oho[lah], this is more stuff about Conlin and Publicola, amirite?
7
@5. With god, all things are possible. - Matthew 19:26

8
Bukkake like an Egyptian.
9
Extended smutty allegory, yadda yadda yadda.
10
@8

My wife and I are having dinner with some Egyptian dude tonight. Apparently the details of him leaving Egypt are pretty incredible. Right when he gets to a tense part, I'm gonna sing, "Bukkake Like an Egyptian, Welcome to America SUCKER, It's just another Manic Sunday!"
11
It gets raunchier.

Apparently she was part of a sister act!

2 “Son of man, there were two women, daughters of the same mother. 3 They became prostitutes in Egypt, engaging in prostitution from their youth. In that land their breasts were fondled and their virgin bosoms caressed. 4 The older was named Oholah, and her sister was Oholibah.


12
Shouldn't conservatives want to ban this book and restrict children's access to it?
13
@11, aren't their names part of some Beatles song?
14
There are more porn downloaders in Utah than any other state. Who's to say they're not on XXXslutz.com, but are downloading Ezekiel? And Leviticus. The stuff about men uncovering other men's skirts is pretty hot, too.
15
@13

I think you're talking about a Buster Poindexter song. He appears on the main Solg page carrying what looks to be firewood. He's wearing seriously cool pants.
16
That's not a real website, I made that up. Shouldn't be a clickable link :-(
17
Goldy you lift these Bibke quotes out of context and it destroys the meaning. Everone reads your little snippet and wonders, what the fuck? She did what? Why?

How about you mention maybe the context, Goldy? The very next verse says the Assyrians had donkey dicks! And they came like horses.

"Ohhhhh, you say. Now I get it. Obviously Oholibah is going to want some of those mens hung like donkeys who shoot like stallions. Who wouldn't?" Context!

You smartass libs think you can show up decent believers with your little Bible quotes but all you are doing is showing everyone that you haven't even read it at all. Donkey dicks, dude. The Lord was trying to make a point and you don't get it.

(Or it could be a metaphor for shifting political alliances with big huge donkey cocks and spewing horse come thrown in for a little pizazz.)
18
I am pretty sure I met some of this ladies direct offspring in Amsterdam. This practice seems enduring to say the least...;-D
19
@17 Lifting bible quotes out of context is and always has been the point of Slog Bible Sunday.

If you're to broke to pay attention, maybe there is a government program that can give you a helping hand when you need it.
20
@19 read @17 again.
21
16

you made up the statistic as well.

what are you even doing here, moron?
22
@20 How about you re-read 17 again (focus on Chutlhu's premise) and then read 19.
23
"Lifting bible quotes out of context is and always has been" part of every Sunday sermon in every Christian church.

Also: "Lifting bible quotes out of context is and always has been" the pattern of haters, for centuries.

Including slaveholders and bigot anti-gays.
24
@23
Can we get an Amen!?!
25
The King James version doesn't come close to the Jewish version (which is authoritative because, you know, Jews wrote it, despite some poster's weird contention that Romans wrote it). It isn't virginal bosom, it's "handling her virgin nipples."
26
Holy Mother of Christ on a banister, there are some dumb cocksukers walking around loose in this world. Ol brah 'Zeek he was worried the kind of shit would rain down if stupid motherfuckers ever got put in charge and word up he right.
27
I believe this is the proper answer to the present and all future Slog Bible Study items:

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/hom…

28
How virgin could her bosom have been if she was a prostitute consorting with men hung like donkeys?
29
...and it's called The Aristocrats.
30
@27 Well, no. You see... at most that covers the New Testament. Many of our more hilarious passages are in the Old. The Book of Ezekiel, for example, predates Christ by about 600 years.
32
I'd give this one to @29.
33
My favorite slut-wife fantasy! All that's missing is a camera to record the action.
34
@21: Cool it down there, sir. And do your homework before you hit SEND:

http://consumerist.com/2009/03/05/which-…